"He's bald, but he has dandruff."

The King of the Hill Quotes Page: "Bill of Sales"

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Quotes from "Bill of Sales"
Written by Paul Lieberstein
Directed by Dominic Polcino

HANK: I know you miss running that restaurant --
PEGGY: It's not the restaurant, Hank, it's the people. Managing people. Telling them what to do and then watching as they do it.

PEGGY: "MetaLife." What is that?
LANEY: Products for living.
PEGGY: M-hm, okay, those are useful.

LANEY: Peggy, if you want to be your own boss, come and work for me.

HANK: Sounds to me like one of those pyramid schemes.
PEGGY: No, not at all. As the brochure describes it, it is not a pyramid, it is a triangle. And it is not a scheme, Hank, it is an opportunity. Good question, though.

BOBBY: This doesn't taste like raspberry truffle.
PEGGY: Well, then, honey, you're eating it wrong. Put it down.

DALE: Well, it's probably about time I apologized for my misguided Y2K hysteria. Who would have guessed the whole thing would go off without a hitch? Really brought the country together. Yep, best thing that could ever happen, Y2K.... (his voice trails off)

HANK: I can't sell at the office. It's a propane place. I need to keep that pure.

BILL: Peggy! If I knew you were coming, I would have put on pants.

PEGGY: Oh, Hank, my very first business trip! I am finally getting the recognition that I have always given myself.
HANK: Isn't this Bill's trip? Didn't he win it? Aren't you just his guest?
PEGGY: Hank, you're fired.

BILL: I will have you know, young lady, you are talking to the sort of woman who would never ever share a room with the sort of man who is talking to you now.
HOTEL RECEPTIONIST: Look, this is San Antonio. You can't just waltz in and expect there to be rooms.

HANK: So, Luanne, you still going to community college?
LUANNE: M-hm.
HANK: Hm. 'Course, I'm still in the propane business. That's where I was today.

HANK: When's this movie over? I want to watch the news.
LUANNE: The news? You watched the news yesterday!

PEGGY: This is the double diamond pin that you won. I think you deserve it even more than I do.

LANEY: You can't return product. That's just not how the system works.
PEGGY: Oh, come on. I think the triangle can handle it.
LANEY: It's not a triangle, it's a damn pyramid! Now you do whatever it takes to get Dauterive back in the fold, or Marty Van Holde is going to come down on us like the hammer of the gods!

PEGGY: Everything was going great, but then when I tried to motivate him -- that's a management term -- with a little praise -- my term -- he goes plumb loco! -- Spanish term.
HANK: You must have confused him. Being dumped on is all Bill knows. First there was that childhood of his, and then he joined the army, and then married that back-breaker Lenore.

PEGGY: Bill has had a hard life, and he likes it that way. He likes to be treated badly.
LUANNE: It's called psychology, Aunt Peggy. The disease of psychology. I'm taking it pass/fail.

BOBBY: Come on, there's plenty to work with. It's Bill Dauterive. I mean, he's bald, but he has dandruff. What's that all about?
LUANNE: And don't forget his odor!
BOBBY: He's afraid of thunder!

PEGGY: One chance. My garage, tomorrow morning, 7:00.
BILL: It's a little early.
PEGGY: You just bought yourself 6:45, mister.
BILL: I guess I could skip my shower.
PEGGY: 7:00 it is.

PEGGY: Yes, Bill, I am your friend. Although I haven't always been a good one, taking advantage of your low self-esteem to boost my already healthy esteem. And for that I apologize.
BILL: Peggy, you don't have to apologize to me. I'm not --
PEGGY: Uh-uh. The next words out of your mouth better be "apology accepted."
BILL: Apology accepted.


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