The King of the Hill Quotes Page: "Shins of the Father"
Quotes from "Shins of the Father"
Written by Alan Cohen & Alan Freedland
Directed by Martin Archer
HANK: Hey, my Dad's invitation to the party got returned. "Grandpa Cotton Hill, Hell, U.S.A."? Bobby, why'd you
write this? You know Grandpa lives in Houston.
HANK: He lost his shins defending Texas in World War Two.
HANK: Bobby, if you're gonna fake dial, you gotta hit more than three numbers.
DOOLEY: This party's boring. Everybody hates you.
BOBBY: Vot are you talking about? Vot are you talking about?
BOOMHAUER: Heh heh heh...Man, what you talkin' about?...What you talkin' about?...I tell ya what, fat kids always funny, man...dang ol' John Candy, John Belushi...Knife and fork dug their graves, man.
BETHANY: I heard after Hank's mother left Cotton, he married his 16-year-old
COTTON: Hey, Hank's wife.
COTTON: Looky here, Hank. What do you think of your momma's new ta-tas?
BILL: I'm having fun!
HANK: This is my new neighbor.
PEGGY: Good lord, Cotton! You gave him a loaded
COTTON: Thanks a lot, Girlie, but the truth is: you're a girl.
DIDI: Cotton, I'll do the dishes. I like to.
COTTON: Hank, Bobby and me have decided he's gonna stick vegetables up his nose.
HANK: You just don't understand him, Peg. See, he's a flamboyant
character, like a peacock. That's why men love him. But women
don't like his style because you all are like the pea-hen. More
subdued and drab.
COTTON: You're nothin' but skin and bones, girlie! Put some corn pone on them hips!
LUANNE: Touch me again, and you'll be wearing that corn pone,
COTTON: It's a holiday, isn't it? It's Angie Dickinson's birthday!
DALE: Sometimes things just disappear for no logical reason. One day, my cousin woke up -- his kidney was gone. At the same time, five hundred miles away, a woman in Phoenix contracted diabetes.
COTTON (watching Charlie's Angels): Damn, it's a Shelley Hack! That's like gettin' a Shemp!
BOBBY (to Peggy): Well, go on, woman, get me my dinner!
HANK: What are you, turning into some kind of feminist?
COTTON: What kinda work could a guy get in
COTTON: I was fourteen, just a little older than Bobby. But I knew Uncle Sam needed me, so I lied and signed up. We had beat the Nazzys in Italy, and they shipped me to the Pacific theater. A Tojo torpedo sent our troupe's ship to the bottom. I could only save three of my buddies, Fatty, Stinky, and Brooklyn. They were kind of like you fellas, only one of them was from Brooklyn. Out of the sun came a Tojo Zero and put fifty bullets in my back. The blood attracted sharks. I had to give 'em Fatty. Then things took a turn for the worse. I made it to an island, but it was full of Tojos! They were spitting on the U.S. flag! So I rushed 'em, but it was a trap. They opened fire and blew my shins off. Last thing I remember, I beat 'em all to death with a big piece of Fatty. I woke up in a field hospital, and they were sewing my feet to my knees.
BOBBY: Hoo! She's moody! Must be PBS.
HANK: Well, she's got a point, but he's a war hero. She's my wife, but
he's got no shins.
COTTON: Well, I never thought I'd see the day when my own son would stop loving me. It's about time! Love's for sissies! Ain't that right, you house full of hookers?
HANK: Your mother's
probably got a better head on her shoulders than anybody in Arlen.