"Some Day Governor Reagan Will Run For President."

The King of the Hill Quotes Page: "The Final Shinsult"

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Quotes from "The Final Shinsult"
Written by Alan Cohen & Alan Freedland
Directed by Jack Dyer

JOSEPH: I am General Santa Ana. I led the Mexican Army at the Alamo, where we defeated Texas.
STUDENTS: Boo!
BOBBY: We are at the battle of Cerro Gordo eleven years later and we are hungry. Sir, I will hold your artificial leg while you eat chicken.
DOOLEY: Attack.
BOBBY: Look out! It's the Illinois Volunteer Infantry! Hop on, General!
DOOLEY: I stole your fake leg.

PEGGY: Even as we speak, Santa Ana's real fake leg is making its way from museum to museum on its journey home. I guess you could say the Arlen Museum is the "last leg" of the tour. (laughs) Oh, Peggy!

BILL: ...See, that was in 1976. In 1977, I did wear shoes.

COTTON: You see, Bobby, your daddy's gene'ation's givin' away everything we fought for! Pannyma Canal. Mexican legs. You people would give back Gandhi's diapers if you had 'em!

COTTON (taking the eye test): All right, clerkie, take down the first letter of every word I say. "Some Day Governor Reagan Will Run For President."

BOOMHAUER: Tell you what, man, that dang ol' DMV, man, took my picture... had that dang ol' hair hooter that day, man... four years ago... lookin' like Cokie Roberts, man.

COTTON: Looks like we got ourselves a Benedict Arlen.

HANK: I know what's best for my dad.
COTTON: If you knew what's best for me you'd have drowned yourself two days after you was born!

DALE: Joseph, you know I do not sign any document issued by a government institution.

COTTON: I don't take no anesthetic. Did Lincoln ask for girlie gas when they blowed his head off?

CONNIE: And then you killed the German Corporal?
BOBBY: This was World War Two, Connie-girl. He was a Nazzy.
COTTON: Yeah, I severed his windpipe with a two-foot strand of dental floss I kept in my boot. And that's why it's always important to carry dental floss.

LUANNE: Uncle Hank, Aunt Peg, I just heard on the news there's a Santa Claus exhibit at the museum, and someone stole his leg!

COTTON: They took my shins and put 'em on display in the Emperor's pagoda! That's the thanks I get for flossin' them Nazzys!

COTTON: Honey, I'm sorry I said your butt was too small. If anything, it's too big! (Didi glares) But I likes you for who you is.

MEXICAN OFFICIAL: Here you are, senor, one driver's license.
COTTON: Thank you! And here you are, one Santie Annie's leg!

ANNOUNCER: The story you have just seen is based on a true event. At the battle of Cerro Gordo in 1847, the Illinois Volunteer Infantry captured the artificial leg of Mexican General Antonio Lopez de Santa Ana, while the General and his men feasted on a lunch of roasted chicken. Unfortunately, Santa Ana's leg still resides in an Illinois museum. If you would like to join the movement to return the leg to the Mexican people, write Illinois Senator Richard J. Durbin. Thank you, and good night.


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