The King of the Hill Quotes Page: "The Order of the Straight Arrow"
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Quotes from "The Order of the Straight Arrow"
Written by Cheryl Holliday
Directed by Klay Hall
COTTON: I'm not gonna sugarcoat it: Some of you ain't comin' back. Those who survive will be honored members of the Order of the Straight Arrow. Those who don't will be dead.
YOUNG BOOMHAUER: We're gonna get snackered...I tell ya what...boy...man ...I wanna get all messed up...Let's just pollute our minds and get three sheets in the dang ol' wind.
YOUNG BILL: When I grow up I'm gonna drink this stuff every day, just like my dad, and fly jets and maybe even be an astronaut.
YOUNG DALE: I'm gonna live in London and be a rich millionaire and have people killed.
YOUNG HANK: I'm gonna sell propane and propane accessories, if my grades are good enough.
BILL: I'm so depressed I can't even blink.
HANK: I tell you what, we are going to turn those kids into men this weekend.
BILL: We can still play jokes on 'em, right?
DALE: They're not jokes, Bill, they're painful lessons. I thank my father every day for all the tricks he played on me. He taught me the most wonderful lesson a child can learn: Never trust nobody. That's how I know Bob Dole's faking that dead arm.
JOSEPH: Dad, can me and Bobby bring life preservers?
DALE: If you want to be sissies.
JOSEPH (to Bobby): He said yes!
DALE: We got this Order of the Straight Arrow retreat tomorrow, and I was wondering --
JOHN REDCORN: I'd be honored to look after your wife.
DALE: Gee, thanks.
JOHN REDCORN: The spirit bag is very sacred. You should not make light.
DALE: I like how you say everything's sacred. That's funny too.
JOSEPH: You have the coolest mom. She smells like Miracle Whip.
PEGGY: It is very important that you be there for your mama. This is her big day.
LUANNE: Well, actually, her big day is the sentencing. This is just the arraignment.
HANK: This trip is about the sacredness of Mother Earth and all she gives us. So pee now, 'cause once we get on the road, we ain't stopping.
HANK: Here are your Silence Sticks.
BOBBY: Those are Slim Jims.
HANK: That's what the white man calls them. Wematanye calls them Silence Sticks to test your spirit of shutting up.
DALE: Oh, man. What kind of lefty hootenanny is this?
HANK: Look at that one, bouncing around in front of God and everybody. Would it kill a tree if she wore a bra?
HANK: We of the Order of the Straight Arrow call upon the spirit Wematanye, protector of the sacred ground that brings us cool water to drink and energy-efficient clean-burning propane gas for all our sacred heating and cooking needs. Wematanye says, respect the earth! She's ours, by God, our taxes pay for Her. Also, it says here you gotta love all Her creatures. Let's see...oh, here we go: Though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, you're gonna recommend us to the spirit in the sky, with liberty and justice for all. Wematanye is with you, and with Texas. Amen.
HANK: Remember, the snipe call is this: "Woo loo loo, woo loo loo."
DALE: You and I may be acquainted but we are not traveling companions. I am merely here to enjoy Earth Day and play some hacky-sack.
BOOMHAUER: Yeah man I tell ya what...Did one of them snipe hunts last night...man with
them sticks and bags and Whack! Whack! man, go Woooo-loo-loo-loo! ...Talk about big mistake
y'all...It's right there in that cooler.
RANGER: Well, if any of you see anything, stop by the ranger station.
ENVIRONMENTALIST: I also heard they were hunting a snipe last night.
RANGER: There is no snipe.
ENVIRONMENTALIST: My God, how many more species have to be wiped out before we learn?
HANK: There is no Wematanye. It's just some damn nonsense we made to fill out the weekend. Tell him, Dale.
DALE: How do you know my name, crane-killer?
BILL: Those spirit bags of yours are just my ex-wife's old socks, and by the way, I want them back.
HANK: When Dale and Bill and Boomhauer and me went through this together as kids, all the tricks and lies from our dads, they were part of the experience. It brought us all together, you know, us against them.
BOBBY: I don't want to be against you! You're my dad. We're supposed to be on the same team.
RANGER: Sir, you lied to me, you lied to this little boy, and I don't know what you did to this gentleman in his underwear!
PEGGY: I bought a microwave.
HANK: I tell you what, this family goes through microwaves like other families go through shoes.
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