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Quotes from "Talking Shop!"
Written by Garland Testa
Directed by Anthony Lioi

BOBBY: Think about it: why do guys like us keep striking out with the ladies?
JOSEPH: Because I'm weird, and you're chubby and kind of dumb?
BOBBY: Don't be ridiculous.

BOBBY: What we need is a class full of girls who don't know us very well.
JOSEPH: Yeah! We could pretend we're from the future, and we need to experiment on 'em!... Wait, this is why girls don't like me, right?

HANK: No good ever came from kids talking to other kids about their problems.

HANK: You've got to think long-term, Bobby. Auto shop is where boys become the men that girls will want when they become women. It worked for me.
PEGGY: The proof is in the pudding. And I am that pudding.

HANK: I'll buy him an old junker car and we can restore her together. We'll stay up late fixing her up, just me and my boy. Then one day, when we're all finished, Bobby will get in that car and he'll drive away. And then I can die a happy man. Yep.
BILL: Yep.
BOOMHAUER: M-hm.
DALE: That's actually kind of sad, Hank.

JOSEPH: Are you sure this is a good idea?
BOBBY: No, but my dad says this is one of those things that'll make sense later. I'm getting tired of those things.

JOSEPH: I read a story on the internet that started just like this. It ended nicely.

BOBBY: I am shocked by your behavior! Can't you see we are here to heal?

HANK: It's false advertising. It's advertised as a junker, but it's in moderate-to-good condition.
DALE: The problem is, all our used cars now decorate Hard Rock Cafes.

JENNY MEDINA: Aren't you supposed to say something or something?
BOBBY: I think you're supposed to say something or something.
JENNY MEDINA: Okay, so I got invited to Debbie Reed's slumber party, right? I mean, like, so what? I fall asleep first, and then I woke up with my hand in a bowl of hot water. Do you think I should tell people that her father's an alcoholic?
(Pause.)
BOBBY: Oh, I'm sorry, I can only listen and not tell you what to do.
JENNY MEDINA: I think I'm going to tell people her father's an alcoholic.

STACEY: Aren't you the kid they had to cut out of the soccer net?
BOBBY: Uh...
STACEY: So I have to debate capital punishment next period, but I totally don't care. Should I ditch?
BOBBY: I can't tell you what to do. Only you can tell you what to do.
STACEY: If I knew what to do, I wouldn't be here! Now tell me what to do!
BOBBY: Uh, ditch.
STACEY: If you say so.

BOBBY: Dooley, I don't think you want to beat up Randy. I think you just want someone to notice your new shoes.
RANDY: They are pretty nice.
DOOLEY: They're new.

JENNY MEDINA: You mean like a date?
BOBBY: Well, sometimes putting a label on things is helpful, so if you're more comfortable with terms like "dating" and "boyfriend" and "making out" -- well, you're the patient.

BOBBY: The brain is a fascinating organ. It's the biggest organ you have.
STACEY: Actually, I think it's your skin.
BOBBY: Well, maybe that's your problem -- you don't give your brain the respect it deserves.
STACEY: Wow. That's deep.
BOBBY: It really is.

HANK: I didn't know if you were a Ford man or a Chevy man. It was the happiest problem I've ever faced.

BOBBY: You know, Dad, I think your obsession with auto shop stems from your unresolved feelings about your father. And maybe we should explore some of those feelings.
HANK: Bobby, you know how I explore my feelings? I fix my truck or your mother's car. When Mr. Dauterive's wife left him, we tuned up his Escort. And when that little fella from the Fantasy Island died, we put the ant on top of Dale's van.

STACEY: I know you were expecting to hear my report on the desert peckery, but I've decided to do my report on another pig: Tony Hesperia, also known as bastardus boyfriendus. That's right, Tony! This relationship is extinct! But I'll be all right, because I've made a new discovery: Bobby Hill, an awesomus guyus. His characteristics are caring and compassion. He's so sweet and loving and he's always there when I need him.
DOOLEY (to Bobby): You're there for people.

BOBBY: Stacey, here's the thing. As a counselor, my ethics mean everything to me. And since I'm already dating one of my clients...
STACEY: You're breaking up with me? But I broke up with Tony to date you! How could you do this to me?
BOBBY: I hear and respect your anger.

JENNY MEDINA: Bobby, people are saying that you drove Stacey Gibson crazy. And I'm not looking for that right now.

BOBBY: What was it about me that you found so irresistible?
STACEY: I guess it was the power.
BOBBY: The power? That's it?
STACEY: I don't know what else it could have been.

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