"I'm gonna call you Masky."

The King of the Hill Quotes Page: "To Kill a Ladybird"

Click here to return to the Main Quotes Page

Quotes from "To Kill a Ladybird"
Written by Norm Hiscock
Directed by Wes Archer

HANK: Take it easy on Ladybird, Bobby -- she's ninety years old in dog years. Each time she fetches, it's like seven fetches for you or me.

BOBBY: What a crime! If you are not a hungry man, Luanne, you shouldn't be taking on the Hungry Man Dinner.

BOBBY (to the raccoon): You know, the black around your eyes looks just like a mask. I'm gonna call you "Masky." No, wait, wait, I can beat that: "Bandit."

HANK: A dog's the only animal that makes sense. And I suppose a cat might work, you know, if you're a little girl or an old lady who's sick.

HANK: Bobby, you name a pet, you name a guitar -- you do not name a filthy animal. And you do not feed it our garbage. No wonder it was rooting around in the garage. It was looking for more of your handouts.
BOBBY: It's not a handout when you feed Ladybird, is it?
HANK: Ladybird is a member of this family. You've seen our Christmas cards.

DALE: No problems, Hank. I have played out this scenario a thousand times in my mind. In most of them, I have won.

DALE: I give you one little thing to do, and you screw it up.

LUANNE (praying): ...And please make sure that Ladybird is safe and without rabies. And if rabies is part of your divine plan, then please change your plan and send us back Ladybird, rabies-free.

HANK: All right, Dale, we can do this the easy way or we can do this the hard way.
DALE: Do it the hard way.

DALE (speaking into a tape recorder): Survival diary update: I have been drinking dewdrops found on the forest leaves, and I have been eating mushrooms and moss. Mostly mushrooms. My rabies has taken a turn for the worse. I am starting to hallucinate. When I close my eyes, I can see strange characters running around chasing colorful geometric shapes in a dark and infinite limbo. I have stopped closing my eyes. I fear I am going mad! (Dale's stick house collapses) Survival reminder: need hammer and nails. (Dale notices that his tape recorder has no batteries) Also batteries for tape recorder. (Dale throws his tape recorder away and speaks into a pine cone) Also need new tape recorder.

BOBBY: At least Bandit never ate my lunch until after I threw it out. That's what I'd call common courtesy.

DALE: I'm going to drain all the blood from your body. Then I'm going to replace my blood with your non-rabid blood, which will both cure me and give me all your knowledge of propane and propane accessories.

HANK: Say, Bobby, I know this won't be for a while, but when Ladybird dies, how about if I let you pick our next pet?
BOBBY: Really? Okay. I'm gonna get a possum.
HANK: No. No possums.
BOBBY: An ostrich, then?
HANK: I was thinking more of a traditional pet, like another dog.
BOBBY: Okay. Can I get a poodle?

Click here to return to the Main Quotes Page