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Quotes from "Livin' On Reds, Vitamin C and Propane"
Written by Dan McGrath
Directed by John Rice

TILLY: I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
HANK: So your best bet is, you know, neither.

PEGGY: That is a big van.

HANK: Truckers are the last cowboys. They're their own bosses, making tough decisions, winning or losing by the calls they make, answering only to the road.
BOBBY: Sounds hard.
HANK: It is. Now, would you like to make this trip with your old man?
BOBBY: Heck yeah! Dad, do I have your permission to say "Hell yeah?"
HANK: Just a minute.
(Hank rolls up the windows. Bobby says "Hell yeah!")

PEGGY: A trucker and his boy, and they've promised their mom to be home by Christmas. Hank, this is one of those novelty Christmas songs that always sells a million freakin' copies! I have always wanted to get in on that racket.

BOBBY (drinking coffee):I don't think I can ever go back to cocoa!

PEGGY: There are just no good words that rhyme with "truck."

DALE: We brought food -- maybe we can squeeze moisture out of it. Let's see: Chips... barbecue chips... vinegar flavor... hot n' spicy... saltines! No!!!

CORNELL: I hate to spoil your fun, sir, but you're not a trucker. You're just a guy with a truck.

DALE: Hank, we're not gonna drink Bill after all, okay?

PEGGY: This is the saga our song will tell. Hank and Bobby find a snowman hitchhiking through Arizona. He will melt to death unless he gets home to the North Pole by Christmas. Hank and Bobby take him home. The snowman's family is so grateful they invite them to their Christmas snowman dinner.

LUANNE: We have differences. Like in Simon versus the Garfunkel.

DALE: Look how straight the lines are. It'd be easy to get highway hypnosis. Bill, you are getting sleepy...
BILL: It's working. I'm so sleepy.
BOOMHAUER: Make him think like a dang ol' chicken, man.

DALE: Hank, we're having trouble with the engine. And the clutch. Oh, and we're on top of a mountain. I think it might be a rocky mountain.

DALE: Let's just say mistakes were made. Then other, larger mistakes.

BOBBY: Sure we're in a hole, but real truckers are in a hole all the time, and they don't give up. They figure out a way to get through. You're not just a guy with a truck, Dad.

(Luanne's Christmas Trucking Song)
Then Snowman thanked Bobby and Uncle Hank
For taking him to Arizona,
'Cause he wants to see his friend the crippled boy
Just one more time before he melted.
The end!

BIG JOHN: What were you gulpin' on? Reds? Binnies? Apple wacky?
HANK: Oh, I don't go in for the fancy flavored coffees. Just plain old Joe.

("The Ballad of Hank Hill")
Hank Hill was a trucker, and he drove with pride,
Seat belt buckled and his boy by side,
He hit the road with a promise and a precious load.
They took a wrong turn while tryin' to get back,
Wound up stranded in a mountain gap,
Out of diesel, in the freezin' cold.
That old Hank Hill convoy's rollin',
And the antique load we're haulin',
Its destination, Mama's, down the line.
We was down at the eat-'em-up, the boys and me,
Drinkin' straight black Joe, when the old CB
Got to pickin' up something, sounded downright weird.
He said: "Dang ol' Hank, man, talkin' 'bout you hold on tight,
Talkin' 'bout may not hold up, man, dang ol' Hank's boy ain't right."
Yeah, I tell ya, had us truckers pretty dang scared.
Then Hank pulled up, feelin' none too big,
We couldn't believe how he'd handled that rig,
So I said, "Hell, we'll help you out, my man."
I'll call gravel-tooth Behan and one-eyed Mona,
We'll get that load out to Arizona,
'Cause a trucker helps a trucker help his mama when he can.

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