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You'll find interesting and amusing quotes, graffiti, facts,
phone messages and philosophical views here. Absolutely nothing to
do with food.
Philosophy - Not exactly the work of Socrates,
but "thought-provoking" questions.
Murphy's Laws - A collection of the world's
most famous laws.
Quotes - Real people, real quotes.
The Truth - The amusing truth which 'is out
The Bare Facts - Interesting facts.
Phone Messages - Record these messages in your
answering machine to put some life into it.
Ironic - The ironic face of life, by the
Foot in the Mouth - People who got their
feet in their mouths, and why. No offence meant to anyone
Bumper Stickers - Actual observed vehicular
Supersition - One of the Cookie
Shop visitors shared her thoughts on superstition.
I. Is there another word for synonym?
II. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do
III. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
IV. Why isn't there mouse flavored cat food?
V. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an
VI. Would a fly without wings be called a "walk"?
VII. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow sign?
VIII. Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal
IX. You know, English is a crazy language.
For instance, there is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't
invented in England nor French fries in France. Sweetmeats are
candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take
English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that
quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig
is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers
don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth,
why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? Doesn't it seem crazy
that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb thru
annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of
odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian
eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a
letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to
an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people
recite at a play and play at a recital? Send shipments by car and
send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and
a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and wise guy are
opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a
lot and quite a few are alike?
Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they
are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful
gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? And where are
all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your
house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by
filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at
all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but
when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind
up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end
-- AUTHOR UNKNOWN
X. Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
XI. 'How come we deliver shipment in a car and cargo in a
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- If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.
- Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not
want to waste a bullet on you.
- The important things are always simple; the simple are always
- Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.
- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously
- If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
- Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
- Killing for peace is like screwing for virginity.
- Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or
- Consciousness, that time between naps.
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I. 'Blessings to that who first invented sleep'
(A line from Don Quixote by Muguel de Cervantes)
II. 'It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think
you are a fool than to open it an remove all doubt'
(Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain's real name))
III. 'To do is to be' - Socrates
'To be is to do' - Sartre
'Do be do be do' - Sinatra
IV. 'When I am right, I get angry. Churchill gets angry when he
is wrong. So we have often been angry at each other'
(Charles de Gaulle)
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I. 'A sense of humour is the difference
between ambition and achievement'
II. 'The reason people here get lost in thought is because it is
such unfamiliar territory'
III. 'Reality is for people who cannot cope up with science
IV. 'When you are trying to make an impression, chances are that
that is the impression you will make'
V. 'It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer
VI. 'If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for
VII. 'If you can smile when things go wrong, then you have
someone in mind to blame'
VIII. 'Someday our ship will come in, but with our luck, we'll
be at the airport'
IX. 'Age is a case of mind over matter; if you don't mind it, it
really doesn't matter'
X. 'Reality is an illusion caused by the lack of alcohol'
XI. 'Creativity : The art of hiding your source'
XII. 'Time is a great healer, but surgery is faster'
XIII. 'A Wise Man can see more from the bottom of a well than a
Fool can see from the top of a mountain'
XIV. 'When a finger points to the moon, the imbecile looks at
XV. Humpty-Dumpty was pushed!
XVI. Democracy - Where it's your vote that counts.
Feudalism - Where it's your count that votes.
XVII. 'Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out
to get you!'
XVIII. Socialism: You have two cows, the govt. takes them from
you and gives you the milk.
Communism: You have two cows, the govt. takes them and sells you
Nazism: You have two cows, the govt. takes them and shoots you.
Trade-unionism: You have two cows, you can't milk them they are on
Capitalism: You have two cows, you sell one buy a bull.
Gandhism: You have two cows, you gift them to your neighbour and go
to live in hills.
Feudalism: You have two cows, you steal two of your neighbour, now
you have four.
Morals: Have nothing to do with cows, they only land you in
XIX. 'One drink is just right, two too many, three too few.'
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The Bare Facts
I. Leslie Rogge, a convicted armed robber had been on
the FBIs (Federal Beureu of Investigation, a US govt. agency) Ten
Most Wanted list since 1985, after escaping from a prison. After
six years he thought he was safe in Guatemala, but his picture was
spotted on the FBIs World Wide Web site by someone who had seen
him. The local authorities were tipped off and now Rogge faces a
trial. He is the first person on the FBIs most wanted list to be
captured because of the internet.
II. One enterprising (if slightly odd) person in the US wanted
to know what was really going on in his neighbours household, so he
hooked up his home computer to a series of video cameras placed in
their house when he was babysitting. For 3 years he systematically
recorded the minutae of family life, until a camera was discovered
by the cleaners hired by his neighbours!
III. Not so many years ago, George Bernard Shaw, poking fun at
all things American, came out with some unusually caustic comments.
A number of newspapers howled in protest, but one editor held his
fire until Mr. Shaw paid his much publicized visit to Miami. This
editor's paper published a lengthy report on the arrival of Mrs.
George Bernard Shaw :
Mrs. Shaw went to this dinner ...
Mrs. Shaw attended that function ... Mrs. Shaw said this and Mrs.
Shaw did that.
Then at the bottom of the long article was a casual afterthought
With Mrs. Shaw was her husband,
G.B. Shaw, a writer
IV. Seen in an advertisement for a treadmill - 'What better
metaphor for life that a long, streneous, painfull walk to
V. A newspaper headline - 'DOE to do NEPA's EIS on BNFL's AMWTP
at INEEL after SRA protest'
VI. Some people have the oddest phobias, like :-
|- fear of crossing the road
|- fear of flowers and plants
|- fear of unpleasant body odors
|- fear of snow
|- fear of churches
|- fear of priests
|- fear of fog
|- fear of termites
|- fear of telling lies
|- fear of rain
|- fear of beards
|- fear of the number 13
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For your answering machine
I. Hi. This is John. If you are the
phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents,
please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you
didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me
money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of
II. Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't
like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
III. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the
phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy.
Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to
right...real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done
brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.
IV. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is
why we're not here. So leave a message.
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I. 'By the time you make ends meet, they
move the ends'
II. 'Happiness can't buy money'
III. 'Wars are not fought to decide whose right - only whose
IV. 'Incompetence knows no barriers of place or time'
V. 'The optimist proclaims we are in the best of all possible
worlds; the pessimist fears this is true'
VI. 'The road to success is usually under construction'
VII. 'Vital papers demonstrate their vitality by moving to where
you can't find them'
VIII. 'Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head
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Foot in the Mouth
I. Thomas Watson, Chairman of IBM in
1943, once said
'I think there is a world market for maybe five computers'
II. Ken Olson, Chairman and founder of Digital Equipment
Corporation (DEC) said in 1977
'There is no reason why anyone would want a computer in their
III. Have you ever said 'Nobody's Perfect'. Does that mean
IV. From a Western Union internal memo (1876)
'This telephone has too many shortcomings to be seriously
considered as a means of communication. This device is inherently
of no value to us.'
V. Lord Kelvin, president of the Royal Society in 1895 said
'Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible.'
VI. Charles H. Duell, the United States' Commissioner of Patents
said in 1899
'Everything that can be invented has been invented'
VII. Response to David Sarnoff's urgings for investment in the
radio in the 1920s
'This wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who
would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?'
VIII. Dr. Lee De Forest, father of television once commented
'Man will never reach the moon, regardless of all future scientific
IX. In 1957 an editor of business books, Prentice Hall said
'I have travelled the length and breadth of this country and talked
with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is
a fad that won't last out the year.'
X. Howard H. Aiken of Harvard University (1947) mentioned
'United States will need a total of six electronic digital
XI. From Popular Mechanics magazine, 1949
'Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons'
XII. Before - 'I belive OS/2 is destined to be the most
important operating system, and possible program of all time.'
After - 'I think it would be pretty bizarre if OS/2 finds any
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- All generalizations are false.
- I brake for no apparent reason.
- I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
- He who laughs last thinks slowest.
- It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
- Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
- Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
- The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
- Rehab is for quitters.
- I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
- All men are idiots, and I married their King.
- I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a
- No radio - Already stolen.
- I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
- Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
- I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
- Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.
- Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its
- Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.
- How can I miss you if you won't go away?
- Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
- Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
- Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
- Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
- Caution: I drive like you do.
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The Cookie Shop stock last updated: 22nd July,