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[The Cookie Shop]

You'll find interesting and amusing quotes, graffiti, facts, phone messages and philosophical views here. Absolutely nothing to do with food.


Philosophy - Not exactly the work of Socrates, but "thought-provoking" questions.
Murphy's Laws - A collection of the world's most famous laws.
Quotes - Real people, real quotes.
The Truth - The amusing truth which 'is out there'.
The Bare Facts - Interesting facts.
Phone Messages - Record these messages in your answering machine to put some life into it.
Ironic - The ironic face of life, by the unknown.
Foot in the Mouth - People who got their feet in their mouths, and why. No offence meant to anyone though.
Bumper Stickers - Actual observed vehicular bumper stickers.
Supersition - One of the Cookie Shop visitors shared her thoughts on superstition.


Philosophy



I. Is there another word for synonym?

II. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

III. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

IV. Why isn't there mouse flavored cat food?

V. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

[Super1.GIF]

VI. Would a fly without wings be called a "walk"?

VII. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow sign?

VIII. Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

IX. You know, English is a crazy language.
For instance, there is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England nor French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb thru annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Send shipments by car and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?
Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.
-- AUTHOR UNKNOWN

X. Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?

XI. 'How come we deliver shipment in a car and cargo in a ship?'

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Murphy's Laws



[car-toon.GIF]
  • If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.
  • Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.
  • The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard.
  • Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.
  • If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
  • If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
  • Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
  • Killing for peace is like screwing for virginity.
  • Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.
  • Consciousness, that time between naps.


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[Martian.GIF]

Quotes



I. 'Blessings to that who first invented sleep'
(A line from Don Quixote by Muguel de Cervantes)

II. 'It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it an remove all doubt'
(Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain's real name))

III. 'To do is to be' - Socrates
'To be is to do' - Sartre
'Do be do be do' - Sinatra

IV. 'When I am right, I get angry. Churchill gets angry when he is wrong. So we have often been angry at each other'
(Charles de Gaulle)

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The Truth



[Mouse.GIF] I. 'A sense of humour is the difference between ambition and achievement'

II. 'The reason people here get lost in thought is because it is such unfamiliar territory'

III. 'Reality is for people who cannot cope up with science fiction'

IV. 'When you are trying to make an impression, chances are that that is the impression you will make'

V. 'It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.'

VI. 'If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you'

VII. 'If you can smile when things go wrong, then you have someone in mind to blame'

VIII. 'Someday our ship will come in, but with our luck, we'll be at the airport'

IX. 'Age is a case of mind over matter; if you don't mind it, it really doesn't matter'

X. 'Reality is an illusion caused by the lack of alcohol'

XI. 'Creativity : The art of hiding your source'

XII. 'Time is a great healer, but surgery is faster'

XIII. 'A Wise Man can see more from the bottom of a well than a Fool can see from the top of a mountain'

XIV. 'When a finger points to the moon, the imbecile looks at the finger'

XV. Humpty-Dumpty was pushed!

XVI. Democracy - Where it's your vote that counts.
Feudalism - Where it's your count that votes.

XVII. 'Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you!'

XVIII. Socialism: You have two cows, the govt. takes them from you and gives you the milk.
Communism: You have two cows, the govt. takes them and sells you the milk.
Nazism: You have two cows, the govt. takes them and shoots you.
Trade-unionism: You have two cows, you can't milk them they are on strike.
Capitalism: You have two cows, you sell one buy a bull.
Gandhism: You have two cows, you gift them to your neighbour and go to live in hills.
Feudalism: You have two cows, you steal two of your neighbour, now you have four.
Morals: Have nothing to do with cows, they only land you in trouble.

XIX. 'One drink is just right, two too many, three too few.'

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The Bare Facts



[Yo.GIF] I. Leslie Rogge, a convicted armed robber had been on the FBIs (Federal Beureu of Investigation, a US govt. agency) Ten Most Wanted list since 1985, after escaping from a prison. After six years he thought he was safe in Guatemala, but his picture was spotted on the FBIs World Wide Web site by someone who had seen him. The local authorities were tipped off and now Rogge faces a trial. He is the first person on the FBIs most wanted list to be captured because of the internet.

II. One enterprising (if slightly odd) person in the US wanted to know what was really going on in his neighbours household, so he hooked up his home computer to a series of video cameras placed in their house when he was babysitting. For 3 years he systematically recorded the minutae of family life, until a camera was discovered by the cleaners hired by his neighbours!

III. Not so many years ago, George Bernard Shaw, poking fun at all things American, came out with some unusually caustic comments. A number of newspapers howled in protest, but one editor held his fire until Mr. Shaw paid his much publicized visit to Miami. This editor's paper published a lengthy report on the arrival of Mrs. George Bernard Shaw :
     Mrs. Shaw went to this dinner ... Mrs. Shaw attended that function ... Mrs. Shaw said this and Mrs. Shaw did that.
Then at the bottom of the long article was a casual afterthought :
     With Mrs. Shaw was her husband, G.B. Shaw, a writer

IV. Seen in an advertisement for a treadmill - 'What better metaphor for life that a long, streneous, painfull walk to nowhere'

V. A newspaper headline - 'DOE to do NEPA's EIS on BNFL's AMWTP at INEEL after SRA protest'

VI. Some people have the oddest phobias, like :-

Agyrophobia - fear of crossing the road
Anthophobia - fear of flowers and plants
Bromidrosiphobia - fear of unpleasant body odors
Chinophobia - fear of snow
Ecclesiophobia - fear of churches
Heirophobia - fear of priests
Homichlophobia - fear of fog
Isopterphobia - fear of termites
Mythophobia - fear of telling lies
Ombrophibia - fear of rain
Pogonphobia - fear of beards
Triskaidekaphobia - fear of the number 13


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Phone Messages


For your answering machine

[Suitman.GIF] I. Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

II. Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

III. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right...real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.

IV. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message.

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Ironic



[Yelling.GIF] I. 'By the time you make ends meet, they move the ends'

II. 'Happiness can't buy money'

III. 'Wars are not fought to decide whose right - only whose left'

IV. 'Incompetence knows no barriers of place or time'

V. 'The optimist proclaims we are in the best of all possible worlds; the pessimist fears this is true'

VI. 'The road to success is usually under construction'

VII. 'Vital papers demonstrate their vitality by moving to where you can't find them'

VIII. 'Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined'

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Foot in the Mouth



[Ohwell.GIF] I. Thomas Watson, Chairman of IBM in 1943, once said
'I think there is a world market for maybe five computers'

II. Ken Olson, Chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corporation (DEC) said in 1977
'There is no reason why anyone would want a computer in their home'

III. Have you ever said 'Nobody's Perfect'. Does that mean you're nobody?

IV. From a Western Union internal memo (1876)
'This telephone has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. This device is inherently of no value to us.'

V. Lord Kelvin, president of the Royal Society in 1895 said
'Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible.'

VI. Charles H. Duell, the United States' Commissioner of Patents said in 1899
'Everything that can be invented has been invented'

VII. Response to David Sarnoff's urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s
'This wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?'

VIII. Dr. Lee De Forest, father of television once commented
'Man will never reach the moon, regardless of all future scientific advances.'

IX. In 1957 an editor of business books, Prentice Hall said
'I have travelled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year.'

X. Howard H. Aiken of Harvard University (1947) mentioned
'United States will need a total of six electronic digital computers.'

XI. From Popular Mechanics magazine, 1949
'Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons'

XII. Before - 'I belive OS/2 is destined to be the most important operating system, and possible program of all time.'
After - 'I think it would be pretty bizarre if OS/2 finds any popularity.'
(Bill Gates)

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Bumper Stickers



  • All generalizations are false.
  • I brake for no apparent reason.
  • I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
  • He who laughs last thinks slowest.
  • It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
  • Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
  • Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
  • The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
  • Rehab is for quitters.
  • I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
  • All men are idiots, and I married their King.
  • I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
  • No radio - Already stolen.
  • I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
  • Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
  • I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
  • Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.
  • Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students.
  • Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.
  • How can I miss you if you won't go away?
  • Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
  • Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
  • Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
  • Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
  • Caution: I drive like you do.


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The Cookie Shop stock last updated: 22nd July, 1998