Quotes from "Aisle 8A"
Written by Garland Testa
Directed by Allan Jacobsen
KAHN: My boss wants me to give big-time speech. I get five whole minutes. Peons only get three. You ever make five-minute speech, Hank? No! Only three!
MINH: Kahn, we have no nanny for Connie.
KAHN: Oh, cruel, cruel fate! This Maui speech could be my stepping-stone from systems analyst to senior systems analyst!
KAHN: Here's Connie's babysitting book, version 4.0, with seafood allergy upgrade.
MINH: Everything you need to know is in here. It teach you how to be a parent this week. What time Connie should eat, acceptable reading material...
HANK: "Newsweek?" Not in this house.
BOOMHAUER: Man, what you doin', man, comin' over like this, man?
BOBBY: I need some advice. I don't know what to sleep in. You know, if there's a girl in the house.
BOOMHAUER: Yeah, man, I tell you what, man, dang ol' girl in the house right now, man.
BOBBY: Uh-huh. Then what should I wear?
BOOMHAUER: Well, you know, dang ol' can't go wrong with ol' silk, man, cut out dang ol' flannel, man, dang ol' itch your bottom, she wears top, he wears bottom, you know what I'm sayin', man?
BOBBY: Yeah, I was thinking the Ninja Turtles, with underwear.
BOOMHAUER: I tell you what, man, let me know how that works out, man, not my dang ol' first call, man.
CONNIE: There's something I've always wondered. Propane is called liquid petroleum, but isn't it a gas, Mr. Hill?
HANK: Please, Connie, call me Hank.
JOSEPH: So, are your lips numb?
BOBBY: A gentleman does not kiss and tell.
JOSEPH: You chickened out.
BOBBY: Yes, sir, I did.
CONNIE (snorts): How many cows do you people eat in a year?
HANK: Wait, we figured this out once.
KAHN: Oh, man, this is the best speech ever written! JFK got nothing on me. "Profiles in Jealousy." Ha ha!
MINH: You need to relax, Kahn. Come, we throw frisbee. Where it land, that's where we make crazy love.
KAHN: Oh, yeah! I am bad boy of systems analysis.
(Peggy's voice mail) WOMAN: The person you have reached...
PEGGY: Hello, this is Peggy Hill. I am so sorry I cannot take your call. Please leave a message.
WOMAN: ...Is not available. To leave a message...
NURSE: Here's a list of products for Connie that you can pick up at any pharmacy.
HANK: Couldn't you just give her the stuff? You are a hospital.
NURSE: No, you have to go and buy them.
HANK: I mean, let's say you got stitches. You might sent me home with a box of Band-Aids if I asked for them, right?
NURSE: Band-Aids aren't going to work in this situation. Please, don't try Band-Aids.
HANK: Aisle 8A. Boy, we sure are a long way from automotive.
PEGGY: Hank, what is it?
HANK: You know, the special time in girls' lives, and the freshness and all that.
PEGGY: Oh, my Lord. Oh, poor Connie.
HANK: Poor Connie? Poor me! I had to learn about Megalobsorbancy.
PEGGY: You went down Aisle 8A? We have been married for twenty years and I can't get you past Aisle 5.
PEGGY: Connie started her period.
BOBBY: What's that now?
PEGGY: She has taken her first steps to becoming a woman.
BOBBY: She can't be a woman! I'm still a kid. Look at me! I even got the kids' meal. I love this toy.
PEGGY: Oh, Bobby, honey, you will catch up eventually. This year, next year, it does not matter when. Because you will always be Mommy's little man.
CONNIE: You know what I want to do, Bobby? Sit here!
BOBBY: Fine! You sit on that couch. I'm young! I'm young and alive and I'm going outside to enjoy life!
JOSEPH: Word is Connie's Aunt Flo is in town.
BOBBY: Yeah, probably because she started her period.
JOSEPH: It's all over, Bobby. I heard when girls get the curse, they only go out with hairy high school guys with cars.
BOBBY: I've got peach fuzz and a bike.
CONNIE: Mom, I was really mean to Bobby and I don't know why.
MINH: He annoying little boy.
MINH: Kahn Jr., you have PMS. It's hard, but very easy to understand. You just yell and yell, or you just cry and cry.
CONNIE: But it feels like I'm doing both of those at the same time.
MINH: Connie, you feel things more now. Makes sad movies truly excellent. You see Titanic on the right day, it blow you away.
CONNIE: Mom, you don't know Bobby. He's not like other boys.
MINH: All men are the same. But now you are different. And you must act different, like an adult. Except at movie theater, where you child, and your father and I students.
HANK: Bobby, every woman has a period... of time every month.
BOBBY: Even Mom?
HANK: Bobby, if we're gonna get through this, you cannot ask me questions like that.
BOBBY: My bad.
HANK: Now, every month, a woman has this time when she gets very angry at everything. And usually, men are the everything. It's like a tire fire. Trying to put it out just makes it worse. You just gotta let it burn. Grab a beer, and let it burn.
KAHN: Hank Hill. You ruin my life. What can I do for you?
BOBBY: So now you're a woman.
CONNIE: Technically, I think I'm only a woman four days a month.
BOBBY: Four days? Well, that's for most people. But you're super-organized. I bet you can get through it in two days.
CONNIE: I don't think that's how it works.
BOBBY: You know, if I was becoming a man, I wouldn't dump you.
CONNIE: I don't want to dump you, Bobby. I still want to be your girlfriend. But for those four days when I'm a woman, I don't want to be anywhere near you.
BOBBY: Deal! I'll see you in two days.