"This is Hank Hill. He's white."

The King of the Hill Quotes Page: "Man Without a Country Club"

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Quotes from "Man Without a Country Club"
Written by Kit Boss
Directed by Boohwan Lim & Kyounghee Lim

KAHN: The fourth hole. Signature hole at Nine Rivers. From the tee, a deep ravine separates the golfer from a two-tiered zoscia grass green. The green is jealously guarded from behind by native marsh lands, and in front by bunkers which encircle it like a string of rare pearls. No wonder this 175-yard masterpiece can become either a portrait of frustration or one of unequalled joy. -- Dream over, rednecks! Time to return to putt-putt nightmare!

MINH: Nine Rivers turn us down six times already. Last time they send rejection letter, we not even mail in application.
KAHN: I'm tired of feeling like rare orchid growing from pile of dung that is this alley.

DALE: What happens if my tee shot lands on a bird's back and he carries it out of bounds but then is attacked by a larger bird who grabs the ball and drops it in the hole? Is that still a hole in one? 'Cause that's how I'm gonna play it.
HANK: Dangit, Dale, it already happened once, what are the odds of it happening again?

TED: Cigar?
HANK: Don't mind if I -- oh, you probably didn't realize this, but this is Cuban. I'll just go ahead and destroy it for you.

TED: Looks like Nine Rivers has finally found its white guy.
CINDY: Looks like you got the best one of the lot, too.
TED: Yes, there's no two ways about it. He's super white!

DALE: If I'm gonna play at a fancy-smancy club like Nine Rivers, I better go sew a pom-pom to the top of my hat.

TED (in Chinese, subtitled): "This is Hank Hill. He's white. He'll make a fine addition to the club."
MR. HO (in Chinese, subtitled): "I'll be the judge of that."
HANK (aside to Kahn): What are they saying?
KAHN: How should I know? They're speaking Chinese. I look Chinese to you?

HANK: Pinch me, Mr. Ho.

HANK: I don't really know anyone here.
KAHN: Oh, but you will. Hank, everyone at Nine Rivers come from different places: Laos, China, Vietnam, Cambodia, Singapore, Malaysia, Thailand, South Korea. But we all have one thing in common: our love of golf. Join us, brother.
TED: Think about it, Hank. Talk it over with your wife Peggy and son Bobby, age thirteen.

PEGGY: All right, Hank, what I'm about to say is not politically correct, but here goes. This whole thing seems odd.

TED: If I had a daughter, this is where she would marry your son.

PEGGY: Hank, I'm not sure, but I think we are gods to them.

TED: Hank, I will admit I first asked you to join because you are white. Now I'm asking you to join because you are you. My friend.
HANK: Can I ask you just one more question? What and what accessories do I sell for a living?
TED: Tractors?
(Hank shakes his head. Dissolve to Hank's lawn, the next day.)
DALE: ...To be fair, you used to sell tractors.
HANK: Yeah, but Ted didn't know that.

HANK: I'm sorry, Kahn, but I couldn't stay there. I just didn't feel comfortable. That's why I left Jeans West, that's why I don't bowl on Tuesday nights, and... oh, forget it. You wouldn't understand.
KAHN: Oh, yeah, you right. I always feel comfortable everywhere I go. You know, my original name is Smith. I just change it to Souphanousinphone when I move to Texas!

MINH: Breathe in the tranquility. Breathe out the frustration. You're in a better place than Nine Rivers.
KAHN: Aaargh! There is no place better than Nine Rivers! This is it? This is the rest of our lives? Maybe I divorce you and marry someone who's already a member!

KAHN: "Rainey Street Country Club?"
HANK: Dues are a six-pack every eighteen holes. What do you say?
KAHN: I accept your offer. And as new member, I propose we kick Dauterive out. Hahahaha! (to Bill) Seriously, you're on the bubble.

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