"I've always been a creeper."

The King of the Hill Quotes Page: "A Beer Can Named Desire"

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Quotes from "A Beer Can Named Desire"
Written by Jim Dauterive
Directed by Chris Moeller & Chuck Austen

HANK: I have never poured out beer, even to put out a grass fire.

HANK: Let's say it is your beer. How old are you?
LUANNE: Nineteen and a half.
HANK: Exactly. The moment you tried to claim the prize, you'd be incarcerated for underage drinking. So if it's your beer, you get to go to jail. If it's my beer, you get to come to New Orleans with us. Your call.
LUANNE: New Orleans!

PEGGY: Hank, if you are willing to give up a sure thing and go for the million, well, honey, you've got more frijoles than any man I've ever known.

DALE: How 'bout I come with? I've always wanted to eat fried dough in the most corrupt city on earth.

HANK: He's speaking some kind of French.
PEGGY: Let me handle this. I speak Spanish. It's the same thing.

PEGGY: Bill, I had no idea you spoke Cajun. Perhaps that's because I try not to ask you questions.

ROSE: I am Rose, the youngest.
LILY: I am Lily, the youngest-looking.
VIOLETTA: I am Violetta, the pretty one.
BILL: You are a garden of women.
VIOLETTA: And you must be the Guillaume we've heard so much about. The last remaining Dauterive male. Or should I say --
GILBERT: Oh, don't bother.

HANK: You sort of snuck up on me there.
GILBERT: I'm terribly sorry. I've always been a creeper. Violetta says I creep like the kudzu vines that are slowly but surely strangling our Dixie.

ESMAY: The Dauterive blood is down to a trickle. My two sons and my son-in-law, Girac, Rene and Emeril, died of arterial sclerosis in their twenties, leaving three desperate, childless widows to wander this house. They are strings on a heart stretched far too taut, and if they are not strummed soon... well... they really need to be strummed.
PEGGY: This is right out of Shakespeare!

(Bill plays the accordion)
LILY: Oh, you play beautifully.
BILL: I'm as surprised as you are.

GILBERT: This muggy November weather gives me the horribles.

HANK: So, Gilbert, how do the Saints look this year?
GILBERT: Oh, I am more familiar with sinners than saints, my dear. And sinners always look good.

PEGGY: Bill, listen to me. Two of those women are the widows of the dead Dauterive sons. They are only related by marriage, so they are in play. But one of them is your flesh-and-blood cousin. She is your ticket to hell.
BILL: Oh, my God. Which one is it?
PEGGY: That I do not know. So just to be safe, keep your hands off all three.
BILL: I still have a two-out-of-three chance. I never had those odds before.
PEGGY: But, Bill --
BILL: Goodbye, Peggy.

BOBBY: I need a window seat, because this flower is wilting.

GILBERT: Have a pleasant journey, and don't be afraid to ask directions from somebody who has already been where you think you need to go.
HANK: What's that supposed to mean?
GILBERT: Let Dandy Don Meredith take the throw.

HANK: Mr. Meredith, I have admired you from your playing days to Monday Night Football to your iced tea commercials.
DON MEREDITH: Well, my mom always calls me "Don" or "Donny."
HANK: Wow! That's a great story, Mr. Meredith.

GILBERT (in Bill's room): Your cousin is Violetta.
BILL: How long you been sitting there?
GILBERT: Thirty-five years.

BOBBY: I do believe I'll give room service a jangle and have them send up some etouffe.

ESMAY: Tell me this: were you here to till the soil and nurture the vine, or were you just playing in the garden?
BILL: Playing.
ESMAY: I think it would be best if you took your leave.

DON MEREDITH: Damned if I didn't want to come through for you, Hank. I'm sorry I let you down. But you'll be a lot happier if you let this one go.
HANK: I'll never have a chance like this again.
DON MEREDITH: No, you won't. You know, there's something I wanted as much as you wanted that million dollars.
HANK: Don, you have everything! You were a Cowboy. During the Landry years.
DON MEREDITH: I wanted to go to the Super Bowl. Came close, but it never happened. It never will. And that's okay. I've never looked back.
HANK: It is an honor just to be on the field with you, Dandy Don.

PEGGY: Nice weekend, Bill?
BILL: Both of 'em!

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