The King of the Hill Quotes Page: "Hank's Dirty Laundry"
Quotes from "Hank's Dirty Laundry"
HANK: These are my personal private undergarments! Now the whole neighborhood knows I wear them!
BOBBY (watching a dryer): Let's get this one. It's like watching TV, only the show is about wet clothes.
BUCKLEY (greeting people): Hey. Hey.
MR. STRICKLAND: Well, there's the rat-hair in your tuna.
HANK: I always bring back my tapes. Look for yourself, I've returned The Great Santini twenty-three times.
HANK: Bobby, you ever heard of a movie called Cuffs and Collars?
HANK: Who is calling me a liar, you or the machine? 'Cause I need to know whose ass to kick.
HANK: How could they think I'd rent a stag film, Peggy? I'm married!
HANK: It's important that you believe me when I say I didn't rent the tape.
BOOMHAUER: Yeah, man, talkin 'bout that dang ol' Cuffs and Collars, man, like when they come over to clean that pool, man, it starts goin' wakka-wakka-wakka-wakka...
BILL: I'm glad I'm not the only one who is disgusted by pornography. It's offensive! It's demeaning! It creates a standard of idealized beauty that your average man can't compete with.
PEGGY: I would like the luxury of vomiting on myself right now, but I don't have any clean clothes to change into.
DALE: Your only way out is to start over with a new identity. If you want, I can get you the birth certificate of a child who died in 1953. It's hardly been used.
OLD WOMAN: Mr. Hank Hill? You threw out your mail, son. Don't you want to prolong your lovemaking pleasure for just pennies a night, Mr. Hank?
DALE: You should have seen this coming, Hank. One by one, your friends will desert you. I'll be next.
PEGGY: What do I have to do to get through to you? Do I have to take off my shirt and dance like the women in your movies?
BOBBY: Mom, look what Dad got me! There's Cuffs and Collars and a whole bunch of other cop movies: Jail Bait, Hung Jury...
MAN IN MOVIE: Are you a mounted police?
HANK: Cuffs and Collars, the tape I never rented. Sixty-eight minutes into the film, actress Dee Dee Cupp bends over to shoe her horse. Now, if you pause the tape and look closely, you can just make out a tattoo on Dee Dee's left buttock that says "I heart Charlie Sheen." Mrs. Cupp also makes an uncredited cameo in Jail Bait, a tape which marks veteran porn star Fernanda Valli's return to the adult film industry on the occasion of her eighteenth birthday. At the seventy minute mark, Dee Dee bends over to shoe a donkey. What do we see on her left buttock? Nothing! There is no tattoo! This can only mean that Jail Bait was made before Cuffs and Collars. Now, why is this important? Because Fernanda Valli turned eighteen on July fifth, two weeks after I supposedly rented Cuffs and Collars! Is it possible that I walked into Arlen Video on June twenty-third and rented a movie that didn't even exist? I think not!
JUDGE: And let the record show that Mr. Hank Hill really knows his pornography.