| CHAPTER V
I THE BATTLE WITH CONSCIENCE AND FINAL YIELDING TO TRUTH. For about two months prior to my fifteenth birth day I had begun to study and inquire into the subject of religion, and labored night and day. I had learned from the Bible, Voice of Warning, tracts, and papers, together with the scraps of history and the sermons heard and conversation had with Elders Cornish and Shippy and my father, that the gospel was now being preached, that the Latter Day Saints were the people of God, that they had the holy priesthood among them, and that it was my duty to obey the gospel; that if I did obey the gospel God would bless me with a knowledge of its truth by the Holy Spirit, which I would receive after my obedience to the first principles of it. I dared not ask God for an evidence of it till I had complied with the conditions, for I had read the promise of the Savior: “If any man will do his [God’s] will, he shall know of the doctrine, whether it be of God, or whether I speak of myself.”—John 7: 17. Now commenced a battle. My conscience told [50] me I should obey God; but that meant the giving up of much that had become part of my very self. While I was studying I had not thought of the sacrifices I would be called upon to make. Indeed, when I began to study I had no idea I would ever become a church member; but I soon saw that I could never be what I had been in the past,—the pleasures of the world could never fill the aching void in my heart. My friends tried hard to lure me from the path that my better judgment told me I should walk in, and I knew that all my father’s family would despise me. This caused me pain. My mother had conversed with me much of late, and I had persuaded her to go to the Saints’ church a few times. It was somewhat amusing to see mother wait until church had begun and then veil her face and drop into a seat near the door and then go out when they were singing, so that few would know she had been in the Latter Day Saints’ church. At last father persuaded mother to permit the Saints to have a prayer-meeting at our home and I promised to attend. Friday night came, and with it came a large number of Latter Day Saints to our house. Elder John J. Cornish presided over the meeting. I shall never forget that night. The Saints seemed of one heart and mind. Each prayer seemed to speak forth the silent throbbings of the heart, each hymn told their love for God, each testimony seemed filled with knowledge and was given with burning zeal that told all present, “We know what we believe.” There was no excitement, and everyone [51] seemed “as calm as a summer morning.” I felt I would give all I ever had if I could feel as I heard them say they felt and know what they claimed to know. I had told no one my feelings up to this time, but I could stand it no longer. I felt that though brothers, sister, mother, and friends were all to despise me, I must rise to my feet and tell those- people I felt they had the truth and that I desired to be baptized. So I arose to my feet and requested baptism. All were surprised and I think glad; but judge the surprise mingled with the joy that filled the hearts of all present, especially my father, when upon my being seated my mother arose and asked to be baptized. It was arranged that Elder John J. Cornish baptize us on the following Sunday after noon at one o’clock. The meeting adjourned and all retired to their homes. [52] |
 |