The King of the Hill Quotes Page: "Peggy's Fan Fair"
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Quotes from "Peggy's Fan Fair"
Written by Alan Cohen & Alan Freedland
Directed by Jeff Myers
PEGGY: I sent song lyrics to every major country music star, and I finally got this from Mr. Randy Travis!
HANK: Randy Travis?
PEGGY: Okay: (reads) "Dear songwriter, we regret to inform you, blah blah blah, legal reasons, blah blah, never read it, blah blah blah..." okay: "Once again, good luck with your songwriting career. Signed Rob Reeders of the firm Reeders and Anatole."
HANK: Kinda sounds to me like Randy Travis's lawyer sent you a rejection letter.
PEGGY: Oh, Hank, they have to say that. Travis loved my lyrics! He called me a songwriter, he said I have a career in front of me, and you know what? He is right.
CONNIE: I got you this phone card at the mall. It's good for ten minutes and has Tony Danza's picture on it.
BOBBY: Connie, my girl, Buddha broke the mold when he made you.
PEGGY: Good morning, Fan Fair-ers and Fan Fair-ies! I will be calling out various highlights of our fourteen-hour trip to Nashville. First up is the world's largest fiberglass raven, which is also the largest raven I have ever seen.
Fan Fair can be Fun Fair,
But if you don't wait your turn in line,
Well, that's unfair!
PEGGY: I hope you brought your appetites, because I made spa-Peggy and meatballs!
ASSISTANT PASTOR LARRY: Did she say "spa-Peggy?"
HANK: Well, "spa-Peggy" is kind of like spaghetti. I'm not sure what Peggy does different, if anything. But it's the one dish she's kind of made her own.
KIX BROOKS (to Bobby): Well, hey there, cowboy. Now, who's this pretty gal? Your wife?
LUANNE: We're not married -- we're just sharing a tent, and we're cousins.
RONNIE DUNN: So every time you call, Mr. Super-phone tells you Connie's out with this Chane fella?
BOBBY: He said for the first time in her life, Connie is actually happy.
KIX BROOKS: Sounds to me like her daddy is using his Chane to yank your chain.
RONNIE DUNN: Kix is right. Heck, I got a teenage daughter at home, and every time her boyfriend calls, I say she's out with Brad Pitt.
LUANNE: Ooh, I love Brad Pitt! Your daughter is so lucky!
(lyrics of "Just the Way God Made Me," by Peggy Hill, stolen by Randy Travis)
I have a Boggle trophy
On my bedroom shelf.
I won it on my own
With help from no one else.
Still I know that I'm not perfect,
I have a flaw or two.
But there's plenty of love here for you
From my head to my size 16 shoe.
If you want to be my lady,
You're gonna have to accept
What you see is what I'll always be,
This is just the way God made me.
RANDY TRAVIS: If I had a dime for every song a fan sent me, I'd be Dolly Parton rich.
RANDY TRAVIS: Propane salesman, hm? Now, that's something that would make a good song.
HANK: I have been saying that for years!
LUANNE: Bobby, I put out two of your mom's apple brown bettys. Now, I'm no mathemagician, but there's only one here now -- did you eat the other one?
BOBBY: I can see how you might jump to that conclusion, given last night's cupcake incident.
HANK: You've got a pretty high opinion of yourself --
PEGGY: Oh, and I should have a low opinion of myself?
HANK: No, it's just that you've done so much in your life, you don't need to take credit for things you haven't done, like writing that song, and, you know, the other stuff.
HANK: When we were setting up camp, you said that in your opinion, kindling is the best wood to start a fire.
PEGGY: Well, isn't it, Hank?
HANK: Of course it is, but it's not your opinion, it's a known fact!
DALE: We ought to wrap the trailer in toilet paper. I think I have some left over from the Billy Ray Cyrus job.
PEGGY: Remember, not one word. As I like to say, "what's done is done."
HANK: I said some awful things to her, Pastor Larry. I told her she's not as great as she thinks she is.
PEGGY: Hank does not want me anywhere near the Final Jam concert. He said he was afraid I'd take a swing at Faith Hill for stealing our last name.
HANK: Now, you'll think about what I said?
WYNONA JUDD: I was raised with charcoal, I'll die with charcoal. So back off!
RANDY TRAVIS: And now I'd like to introduce y'all to Hank Hill, a man who taught me just how precious life is. You see, yesterday my trailer fell in the lake, and just as I was freeing myself, I saw this loyal fan drowning in the water nearby. And I saved his life. I want to bring him up here to sing with me. Come on, Hank.
HANK: Well, I'll punch him this time.
PEGGY: No, what's the use?
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