The King of the Hill Quotes Page

This is my little webpage devoted to quotes from the deservedly popular animated situation comedy, King of the Hill.

The purpose of this page is simply to transcribe some of the best and most memorable lines from each King of the Hill episode. Note: Some of the first-season quotes were originally transcribed by Ondre Lombard for some "King of the Hill" episode capsules that, alas, never made it onto a webpage. If I've gotten stuff wrong,please email me and let me know.

Episode titles without links are episodes for which I haven't transcribed quotes yet (mostly because I don't have them on tape yet). They will come eventually.

If you're looking for full scripts of King of the Hill episodes, they can be ordered from the official site or from Script City.

To return to the main page, click here

Jump to quotes from:
Season One
Season Two
Season Three
Season Four
Season Five
Season Six
Season Seven
Season Eight
Season Nine

Season One

PILOT
SQUARE PEG
THE ORDER OF THE STRAIGHT ARROW
LUANNE'S SAGA
HANK'S GOT THE WILLIES
WESTIE SIDE STORY
HANK'S UNMENTIONABLE PROBLEM
SHINS OF THE FATHER
PEGGY THE BOGGLE CHAMP
KEEPING UP WITH OUR JONESES
PLASTIC WHITE FEMALE
THE COMPANY MAN
KING OF THE ANT HILL


Season Two

HOW TO FIRE A RIFLE WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
TEXAS CITY TWISTER
JUMPIN' CRACK BASS (IT'S A GAS, GAS, GAS)
THE ARROWHEAD
HUSKY BOBBY
HILLOWEEN
THE MAN WHO SHOT CANE SKRETTEBURG
THE SON THAT GOT AWAY
THE UNBEARABLE BLINDNESS OF LAYING
BOBBY SLAM
SNOW JOB
MEET THE MANGER BABIES
I REMEMBER MONO
TRAFFIC JAM
THREE DAYS OF THE KAHNDO
HANK'S DIRTY LAUNDRY
THE FINAL SHINSULT
LEANNE'S SAGA
JUNKIE BUSINESS
LIFE IN THE FAST LANE, BOBBY'S SAGA
PEGGY'S TURTLE SONG
PROPANE BOOM


Season Three

DEATH OF A PROPANE SALESMAN
PEGGY'S HEADACHE
AND THEY CALL IT BOBBY LOVE
PREGNANT PAWS
TO SPANK WITH LOVE
GOOD HILL HUNTING
NEXT OF SHIN
RETURN TO LA GRUNTA
PEGGY'S PAGEANT FEVER
NINE PRETTY DARN ANGRY MEN
THE WEDDING OF BOBBY HILL
PRETTY, PRETTY DRESSES
A-FIREFIGHTING WE WILL GO
THREE COACHES AND A BOBBY
LOVE HURTS AND SO DOES ART
DE-KAHNSTRUCTING HENRY
SLEIGHT OF HANK
ESCAPE FROM PARTY ISLAND
DOG DALE AFTERNOON
HANK'S COWBOY MOVIE
REVENGE OF THE LUTEFISK
DEATH AND TEXAS
WINGS OF THE DOPE
TAKE ME OUT OF THE BALL GAME
AS OLD AS THE HILLS


Season Four

PEGGY HILL: THE DECLINE AND FALL
COTTON'S PLOT
BILLS ARE MADE TO BE BROKEN
LITTLE HORRORS OF SHOP
AISLE 8A
A BEER CAN NAMED DESIRE
NOT IN MY BACK HOE
TO KILL A LADYBIRD
THE HANK'S GIVING EPISODE
OLD GLORY
HILLENNIUM
RODEO DAYS
NAKED AMBITION
HANKY PANKY
HIGH ANXIETY
BILL OF SALES
MOVIN' ON UP
MEET THE PROPANIACS
WON'T YOU PIMAI NEIGHBOR?
HANK'S BAD HAIR DAY
PEGGY'S MAGIC SEX FEET
NANCY'S BOYS
FLUSH WITH POWER
PEGGY'S FAN FAIR


Season Five

I DON'T WANT TO WAIT...
THE BUCK STOPS HERE
THE PERILS OF POLLING
WHEN COTTON COMES MARCHING HOME
PEGGY MAKES THE BIG LEAGUES
SPIN THE CHOICE
YANKEE HANKEE
WHAT MAKES BOBBY RUN?
'TWAS THE NUT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
THE EXTERMINATOR
CHASING BOBBY
HANK'S CHOICE
HANK AND THE GREAT GLASS ELEVATOR
NOW WHO'S THE DUMMY?
HO YEAH!
LUANNE VIRGIN 2.0
HANK'S BACK STORY
IT'S NOT EASY BEING GREEN
THE TROUBLE WITH GRIBBLES
KIDNEY BOY AND HAMSTER GIRL


Season Six

LUPE'S REVENGE
UNFORTUNATE SON
THE SUBSTITUTE SPANISH PRISONER
BOBBY GOES NUTS
GOODBYE NORMAL JEANS
SOLDIER OF MISFORTUNE
JOUST LIKE A WOMAN
THE FATHER, THE SON, AND J.C.
SUG NIGHT
FATHER OF THE BRIBE
ARE YOU THERE, GOD? IT'S ME, MARGARET HILL
OF MICE AND LITTLE GREEN MEN
I'M WITH CUPID
TANKIN' IT TO THE STREETS
MAN WITHOUT A COUNTRY CLUB
TORCH SONG HILLOGY
BEER AND LOATHING
THE BLUEGRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER
FUN WITH JANE AND JANE
MY OWN PRIVATE RODEO
DANG OL' LOVE
RETURNING JAPANESE


Season Seven

PIGMALION
THE TEXAS SKILSAW MASSACRE
BAD GIRLS, BAD GIRLS, WHATCHA GONNA DO
THE SON ALSO ROSES
GET YOUR FREAK OFF
DANCES WITH DOGS
THE FAT AND THE FURIOUS
FULL METAL DUST JACKET
MEGA DALE
AN OFFICER AND A GENTLE BOY
BOXING LUANNE
BOARD GAMES
VISION QUEST
QUEASY RIDER
THE MISEDUCATION OF BOBBY HILL
BE TRUE TO YOUR FOOL
THE GOOD BUCK
I NEVER PROMISED YOU AN ORGANIC GARDEN
NIGHT AND DEITY
RACIST DAWG
MAID IN ARLEN
THE WITCHES OF EAST ARLEN


Season Eight

NEW COWBOY ON THE BLOCK
AFTER THE MOLD RUSH
RICH HANK, POOR HANK
FLIRTING WITH THE MASTER
PATCH BOOMHAUER
REBORN TO BE WILD
CECI N'EST PAS UNE KING OF THE HILL
THE INCREDIBLE HANK
LIVIN' ON REDS, VITAMIN C AND PROPANE
THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID
CHEER FACTOR
APRES HANK, LE DELUGE
MY HAIR LADY
PHISH AND WILD LIFE
DALE BE NOT PROUD
DALETECH
STRESSED FOR SUCCESS
HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE THE ALAMO
HANK'S BACK (THE UNBEARABLE LIGHTNESS OF BEING HANK)
GIRL, YOU'LL BE A GIANT SOON
THE REDNECK ON RAINEY STREET
TALKING SHOP!


Season Nine

DEATH BUYS A TIMESHARE
YARD, SHE BLOWS!
A ROVER RUNS THROUGH IT
CARE-TAKIN' CARE OF BUSINESS
DALE TO THE CHIEF
MUTUAL OF OMABWAH
MS. WAKEFIELD
THE PETRIOT ACT
ARLEN CITY BOMBER
GONE WITH THE WINDSTORM
REDCORN GAMBLES WITH HIS FUTURE
SMOKING AND THE BANDIT
ENRIQUE-CILABLE DIFFERENCES
BOBBY ON TRACK
IT AIN'T OVER TILL THE FAT NEIGHBOR SINGS


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