"Willie Nelson's got long hair, he's alternative."
The King of the Hill Quotes Page: "Hank's Got the Willies"
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Quotes from "Hank's Got the Willies"
Written by Johnny Hardwick
Directed by Monte Young
BOBBY: Aren't you supposed to knock first? I could have been naked!
HANK: What is a "Celery Head?"
BOBBY: He's the world's best comedian. He glues things! Like he glues a Kleenex box to a tennis shoe and goes "This is in case you have a runny nose!"
HANK: That's not a joke, son, that's a waste of good glue.
HANK: Luanne, good Lord, put on some pants!
PEGGY: Hank, calm down, it is just a bunch of wood and some wires.
HANK: Wood and wires? I've had Betsy since high school. I took her to the prom. I love this guitar. Do you understand what I'm saying? Do you understand what love means?
PEGGY: Yes. I love my family.
HANK: Now you're getting it. That's the kind of love I have for Betsy.
DALE: Dammit, Hank, you know I can't have loud sudden noises while I'm meditating! I was a nose-hair away from achieving inner peace!
(Dale kicks the truck, and the noise stops.)
HANK: Don't even try to take credit for that.
DALE: It was not done by me. It was done through me.
HANK: What is that chinging noise?
DALE: One of those stealth helicopters with computerized noise-cancellation capability. They're still working the chings out.
BILL: How'd you know about the stealth helicopters?
BOOMHAUER: Yeah man, I tell you what, man. That dang ol' Internet, man. You just go on there and point and click. Talk about W-W-dot-W-com. An' lotsa nekkid chicks on there, man. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. It's real easy, man.
HANK: Why can't Bobby turn all that energy into something positive, like that boy with no legs who ran across Canada?
HANK: So Bobby, we got to think of a hero for you.
BOBBY: Do you have a hero, Dad?
HANK: I sure do, and it's Willie Nelson.
BOBBY: How come?
HANK: Well, you might say he's been my inspiration. See, Willie grew up in Texas, and I
grew up in Texas. He loves golfing and playing guitar, I love golfing and playing guitar,
he's had trouble with the IRS, and I must have spent six hours last April on that 1040 form
-- EZ my ass.
BOBBY: I like Willie Nelson. He's got long hair, he's alternative.
HANK: Now you take that back! I've followed that man from Country and Western to
Country to Adult Contemporary, and that's as far as I'm going.
PEGGY: Most women would be threatened by Betsy, but not me. I don't care. I'd like to see
that guitar come home and chicken fry a steak after substitute teaching all day.
BOBBY: Mr. Gribble, who is your all-time hero?
DALE: You are, if you get me some smokes.
EARL: Les, go in the back and alphabetize the guitar strings.
LES: Alphabetize by letter?
HANK: That's okay, Bobby, you can do it. Just choke up on it. And swing less like a girl.
HANK: Mr. Nelson, I am so sorry. My boy is new to golf. I'm your biggest fan. I go to
every concert I can. I've been to every Farm Aid except one. I don't care much for that
WILLIE NELSON: Hey, I know you. You're the kid that rakes my lawn.
BOBBY: No, I'm the kid who hit you in the head.
WILLIE NELSON: With a rake?
BOBBY: No, with a golf club.
WILLIE NELSON: You been raking my lawn with a golf club? I want my quarter back.
BOBBY: Dad, guess where I am?
HANK: Oh, I dunno, let's see, crushing Dwight Yoakam's voice box with my five iron?
BOBBY: I'm at Willie Nelson's, and he wants you to come over!
HANK: Son, you're teasing the gorilla in the monkey house.
HANK (shoving Lyle Lovett): Out of my way, Rooster Boy!
WILLIE NELSON: Hey, Hank. Bobby's been telling me all about you. I hear you're a guitar player, and
that you got a narrow urethra.
LUANNE (as she braids Peggy's hair): The fox chases the rabbit around the tree trunk and... (phone rings; Peggy gets up to answer it) I was so close! (sobs)
BOOMHAUER: I tell you what, man, you did that dang ol' Mr. Tambourine Man, talkin'
about "come play a song for me" and all, then you change your name to Zimmerman, y'all
BOB DYLAN: Well, whole bunch of kids going around, mad dog, and denim, going platinum,
who knows, accounting firms, dang ol' Boomhauer.
PEGGY: Los Mariachis son diablos!
WILLIE NELSON: Bobby wants to play your guitar, ride your mower and swing your golf club. Seems to me that boy does have a hero, and his name is Hank Hall.
WILLIE NELSON: Uh, yeah, right.
PEGGY: You know, I was headed over here to knock you six ways from Sunday with that
guitar, then I get here and you're playing that ol' song of yours, and, well, I love you, Propane Man.
WILLIE NELSON: Luanne, you braided that perfectly, but next time try to go easier on the glitter spray.
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