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Quotes from "The Wedding of Bobby Hill"
Written by Jonathan Collier
Directed by Jack Dyer

HANK: So, meeting a woman on the Internet! How do you like that!

RAD: You know, I'm not really here for a free haircut. I'm here because I like to check up on what's happening, what's goin' on, what's now. And I tell you something, baby-doll, you are very now.
LUANNE: Thank you.
RAD: You're welcome. The name's Rad Thibodeaux. (pronounces it "Thi-ba-day-oxs") Here's my card, you know, so you know I'm for real.
LUANNE: "Radical concepts." That sounds exciting!
RAD: Well, only if you think the fast-paced celebrity-filled life of a concert promoter is exciting.

RAD: You got a lover?
LUANNE: I don't even have a boyfriend.

RAD: I can tell you're a very sensitive young woman, and sensitive people, they do have a hard time in our society today. I should know. As a self-proclaimed genius, I myself, Rad Thibodeaux, am often misunderstood.
LUANNE: Self-proclaimed genius?
RAD: Yes.
LUANNE: You poor thing!

RAD: Hey, good-lookin'.
BOBBY: Hey.

RAD: In the industry, a man is only as good as his word, so keep it, or nobody's going to know that you are a man...who keeps...his word. You break it, man, I'm tellin' you, the freebies, they dry up like a puddle in the sun.
BOBBY: Whoa. Rad, what do you mean by "the industry?"
RAD: The entertainment industry.
BOBBY: Whoa!
RAD: There you go.

HANK: Isn't that pronounced "Thibodeaux?" (pronounces it correctly)
RAD: Well, you know, sometimes, by mistake.

RAD: I know you're gonna like these free CDs.
HANK: AOL?
RAD: And the best part is, if you sign up now, I get ten free hours. All you gotta do is tell 'em that SOOORAD@AOL.COM sent you.

LUANNE: It's just that...I didn't get to go to any place this fancy with Buckley. Well, except his funeral reception.
RAD: Aw, it's okay, sweetness, everything's different now. Rad's here, baby, Rad's... here -- say my name.
LUANNE: Rad.

RAD: Bobby, I know you want my attention, and it's nothing I can't handle, but at the moment I am busy with the lady.
BOBBY: You can see Luanne any time, but I have school and stuff to do!

LUANNE: You should tell people if you're going to throw a party in their house without asking them.

LUANNE: Rad Thibodeaux, I am not your girlfriend any more!
RAD: Wait just a minute, I never proclaimed you to be my girlfriend, baby-doll.

BOBBY: Dad, I'm in my underpants.
HANK: Yeah, that was your decision, you've gotta live with it.

PEGGY: Twelve years old and drinking a beer?
BOBBY: I didn't even like it!
HANK: Now you're just trying to make me mad.

HANK: I'm taking away your suitcase of props.
BOBBY: Fine! I can do my comedy without props. So, did you ever notice how...how... (beat) You can't take away my props!

BOBBY: Because of you, I'm propless.

LUANNE: You were never even part of his inner circle. You were just a hanger-on.
BOBBY: Take that back!
LUANNE: Like A.J.!

BOBBY: Why would I put dirt in my own fruit pie? My own fruit pie!
HANK: Why you do a lot of things is a mystery to me.

LUANNE: My birth control pills have stopped working. I should have known when they started tasting sweet!
BOBBY: Like candy?
LUANNE: This isn't funny, Bobby.
BOBBY: Oh, I disagree.
LUANNE: You don't understand. Every woman has to take a birth-control pill every day or else they get pregnant.
BOBBY: Just take two now! Hurry!
LUANNE: That would destroy my insides. That's how it works.

BOBBY: Mom! Dad! I've gotten Luanne pregnant!

HANK: Luanne, I thought you were smarter than this. (Peggy looks at him quizzically) I did!
PEGGY: Can you imagine the consequences if you had taken one of those fake pills and then gone out and had unprotected s --
HANK: Aaaahh!
LUANNE: I only got the pills to clear up my complexion and regulate my --
HANK: Aaaahh!

HANK: You're going to have to marry Luanne.
BOBBY: But I'm only twelve years old!
HANK: Well, just think, you can be married for eighty years.
BOBBY: Dad, you can't make me marry Luanne!
HANK: Yes I can, Bobby -- you're only twelve years old.

DALE: To Mr. and Mrs. Bobby Hill. May their marriage be every bit as wonderful as mine is.
BILL: And as mine was.

KAHN: Minh, it's finally happening! Bobby Hillbilly is marrying hillbilly cousin! You owe me five dollars!

BOBBY (as Luanne drags him into her room): Please, Luanne, I don't think I'm ready for this yet!

LUANNE: I get to date as much as I want with whoever I want. You can see Connie if you want to, only not in public. Nuh-uh, I changed my mind, you can't see Connie ever!

BILL: How come they get to be married when I never do? How come they get to be so happy, it's not fair, it's -- it's a fake! It's all a fake! I'm not a minister! Dale used a self-playing piano!

LUANNE: I'm glad we're not married any more. But you know what? I could have done a whole lot worse.
BOBBY: I'm sorry for all the pranks, Luanne. And you probably shouldn't open your laundry hamper quickly, unless you like snakes.
LUANNE: Thank you! Oh, and you might not want to ride your bike downhill -- something might be wrong with the brake cable.
BOBBY: Okay. And don't use your mouthwash near an open flame.
LUANNE: I'll try not to. And you might want to stop drinking that milk.
BOBBY: Ew.

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