"She's my wife's brother's daughter -- you can't get any closer than that."

The King of the Hill Quotes Page: "Luanne's Saga"

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Quotes from "Luanne's Saga"
Written by Paul Lieberstein
Directed by Pat Shinagawa

BOBBY: My Game Boy's out of batteries. I need to get on the Nintendo, quick!

LUANNE: He is not just dancing. He's firming his thighs and tightening his buttocks.

BOOMHAUER (as Luanne cries): Yeah, man, them dang ol' birds, man, flyin' low this season, probably...dang ol' awkward, I tell you what, man.

HANK: What the hell was that?
BILL: That was a breakup. At least that's what it was the last time I ran into the house crying.

(Mega Lo Mart Theme Song): At Mega Lo Mart, you're shopping for the rest of your life!

CHUCK MANGIONE: How you doin' out there? I'm Chuck Mangione. You know, even celebrities have to hunt for bargains. That's why I go to the Mega Lo Mart, where shopping feels so good.

HANK: Luanne, sometimes life throws you a curve ball. Now there's two ways you can deal with it. You can cry -- and that's the path you've chosen -- or you can not cry.
LUANNE: How do you not cry?
HANK: Well, instead of letting it out, try holding it in. Every time you have a feeling, just stick it into a little pit inside your stomach and never let it out.
LUANNE (trying it): Are you supposed to have a pain under your rib?
HANK: Yes. That's natural. The body doesn't want to swallow its emotions. But now you go ahead and put that pain inside your stomach too.
LUANNE: I think it's workin', Uncle Hank. I feel sick, but not sad.

HANK: Pass me some more of that cookie dough. Mmm! I never knew you could eat it raw. It's almost as good as ice cream.
LUANNE: You know, they make ice cream with cookie dough already in it.
HANK: Damn, sister, get me my keys!

HANK: I did what you couldn't do. Now, I'm not saying you're not good at what you do, I'm just saying I'm better. I went in there and fixed her, like fixing a carburetor. And you know what? It was fun. Like fixing a carburetor.

DALE: It's a scientific fact that women like round, muscular butts. I'm going to look for a guy with a round, muscular butt.

JOHN REDCORN: Dale, I bought you a beer. Mind if I dance with your wife?
DALE: Take her. (John Redcorn goes off with Nancy; Dale sips his beer.) Sucker.

BOOMHAUER: Boy, I tell you what, man, that dang ol' CK One, man, just like catnip.

DALE (at a urinal, to the guy next to him): Hey, you seem like a regular guy.

LUANNE: I don't know if I'm ready, Uncle Hank.
HANK: Sure you are! And Wade's a catch and a half -- he can run the forty in under five seconds!
LUANNE: But my heart is tellin' me --
HANK: Your heart is telling you? Who's the boss, you or your heart? You are! Your heart is your employee! So get your heart off its butt and back to work!
LUANNE: You're right, Uncle Hank! What am I waitin' for? Let's go get Wade!

HANK: You can't compete with this guy. He's a football player, and football players know how to treat women right.

PEGGY: You are out of your depth, Hank Hill. You've opened a Pandora's Box, a box that has a sign that reads "For Women Only." As long as it took that river to carve the Grand Canyon, that is how long women have been learning to subtly manipulate relationships. You only think it's easy because we make it look easy. Did you really believe you could step in and fix it overnight? Could you really be such a fool? Woe is you, Hank Hill, woe is you!

HANK: Wade's a good guy! You don't know -- he runs fast!

HANK: What happened to Wade? Why aren't you with Wade? I want Wade!

LUANNE: I'll stay at Boomhauer's!
HANK: Fine!
LUANNE: Fine!
BOOMHAUER: Wait, man, this ain't gonna work out...little gals comin' around...I just gotta say flat-out no, man.
LUANNE: Thanks, Boomhauer, let's go.
BOOMHAUER: Dang ol' women, from Mars, man, I tell you what.

DALE: This neighborhood is turning into Melrose Place.

DALE: Boomhauer didn't do anything, and even if he did, why do you care? Luanne's not your relation.
HANK: Hell, she's my wife's brother's daughter -- you can't get any closer than that!

BOOMHAUER (ordering dinner): Fried fillet of fried chicken ... french fried side of fries ... and some fried okra.

BOOMHAUER: Hank, I don't know what you're thinkin', but no, man, I ain't no Woody Allen with that little ol' Soon-Li, man, nothin's gonna happen.

HANK: Lookit, she's crying again. I guess she just got dumped by her new boyfriend Boomhauer.
PEGGY: Boomhauer didn't dump her, you did.

HANK: I was moving stuff around, and it seems the room looks a little better this way.
LUANNE: The bed is even out.
HANK: Well, I figure there's no sense in packin' it up night after night.


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