"I'm going to die friendless and alone like Weird Al Yankovich."

The King of the Hill Quotes Page: "The Son that Got Away"

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Quotes from "The Son that Got Away"
Written by Jim Dauterive
Directed by Tricia Garcia

BOBBY (to the tune of "My Bonnie"):
My Connie is a Laotian,
My Connie lives next door to me,
My Connie is a Laotian,
And I have to go take a pee!

BOBBY: I just sang a song parody, Dad. Like Weird Al Yankovich.
HANK: Son, Al Yankovich blew his brains out in the late '80s after people stopped buying his records. He's not worth getting into trouble over.

MR. GRANDY: You're not bad dads, you have bad-dad habits.

DALE: I believe a child benefits from the psychological approach. When I need to correct Joseph, I tell him he's adopted.
BILL: My dad used to punish me by telling me I was a girl. He used to make me wear dresses. Pretty, pretty dresses.

HANK: Kahn, what are you doing? Mowing the lawn is a privilege, not a punishment.
KAHN: I'm putting fear of God into Kahn Jr. She learn what it like to be you!
HANK: You know, it's that kind of permissive parenting that forfeited your country to the Communists.

CONNIE: Parents are such a drag.
BOBBY: Yeah, they're always treating us like kids. We're not kids, we're pre-teens. Dammit.

CONNIE: I don't like Joseph. He threw a dodgeball at me once.
BOBBY: Well, I'm sure he had a good reason.

JOSEPH: Come on, guys! It'll be like sneaking into an "R" movie.
CONNIE: You've been to an "R" movie?
JOSEPH: Yeah, but the only person naked was Harvey Keitel.

JOSEPH: The caves are probably dark, so let's get butane lighters.
BOBBY: My dad says butane's a bastard gas.

DALE: Have you seen Joseph? He's not back with my Pick Six numbers and I'm starting to worry. I can't win it if I'm not in it.

MINH: Calm down, Peggy Hill. Look at my hand. Still as a Monet water lily.
PEGGY: Well, being calm comes natural to you Buddhists. So what if Connie's run away, huh? She'll just come back as a grasshopper or a sea-horse!

CONNIE: What's the Boneyard?
JOSEPH: I can't remember. It's either the place where old people go to die or young people go to make out.
BOBBY: What if you're wrong, and it's where young people go to die and old people go to make out?

LUANNE: Guess what? Monsignor Martinez rented a sports car in the name of those little babies.
MONSIGNOR MARTINEZ (on TV): Vaya con Dios!

HANK: Randy, have you seen Bobby and Joseph and that Kahn Jr.?
RANDY: Maybe, maybe not. What are you gonna do to them?
HANK: We're gonna tan their hides.
RANDY: They're in the caves. I did the right thing, I told them not to go in there, I did the right thing!
EUSTACE: You heard him, Hank. We have no legal responsibility.

HANK: Dale, why don't you go tell Peggy and Minh we're here so they don't worry.
DALE: I notice my wife's name was not among those mentioned. Am I to assume Nancy should continue worrying?

HANK: I need to get my bearings.
KAHN: While you get your bearings, my child bearing your child's child!

BOBBY: I see things clearly now. I'm going to grow up without anyone to love, and die friendless and alone like Weird Al Yankovich.

PEGGY: I'm sure they are safe and not exploring each other's bodies.
DALE: Even if they are, there's nothing lovers do that could possibly take this long. Am I right?
JOHN REDCORN: Yes, if you only consider your own needs.

NANCY: Honey, you want a beer?
DALE & JOHN REDCORN: Yes.
DALE (to himself): How did he know I wanted a beer?

KAHN: Great, our hopes for survival pinned on Dale Gribble. I'm gonna die like English Patient girlfriend. Long, painful, boring death!

KAHN: It makes me nervous, that Joseph with Kahn Jr. His whole family like a Tennesee Williams play.

KAHN: What you call second base?
HANK: Well, where I come from, it -- ahem -- means... uh... meaning that... you see, when two people are attracted to each other... your hand...
KAHN: Don't try to explain a home run, you have a heart attack. In Laos we call it pa son pate.
HANK: Pa son pate. I like it. It sounds clean. We need more good euphemisms like that in this country. So tell me, where'd you hit your first pa son pate?
KAHN: Luang Phrabang City. Wild town, man. Spring break and two out of three guys are monks. Try not get some pa son pate!

HANK: Boomhauer, I can't understand a word you're saying! Must be the echo!

KAHN: Kahn Jr., you come with me. We go get ice cream and tetanus shot.

BOBBY: I think Connie likes you.
JOSEPH: Nuh-uh, she likes you. The minute you said we could eat you, she was yours.


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