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"Quotations"

On this page you will find numerous quotations. I have collected them and now I am posting them for you to read. I will add more as I get them. I have seperated them into five different sections. You may see some of the same quotations in different categories. This is because I think they fit both. Enjoy!



About Love

About Life

About Success

Advice & Wisdom

Promoting Laughter







About Love

"Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it inflames the great." -- Bussy-Rabutin

"Kindness consists in loving people more than they deserve." -- Joseph Joubert

"The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost." -- G. K. Chesterton

"No cord or cable can draw so forcibly, or bind so fast, as love can do with a single thread." --Robert Burton

"Love begins with love; friendship, however warm, cannot change to love, however mild." --La Bruyèère

"Love your enemy, it'll drive him nuts." -- Anonymous

"It's easy to halve the potato where there's love." -- Irish Proverb

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one, which has opened for us." -- Helen Keller

"No man is worth your tears, and the ones that are will never make you cry." --Unknown

"The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved." --Victor Hugo

"If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them, I'd be at the bottom to catch them" -- Unknown

"Hold a true friend with both your hands." --Nigerian Proverb

"Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun." -- Matt Groening

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them." -- Mother Theresa

"The one who is truly blessed is the one who wants to make everyone's dreams come true." -- William M Fowler

"Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within." -- James Baldwin

"I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends. " -- Walt Whitman

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend." -- William Blake

"Love is blind - but marriage is an alarm clock." -- Dan

"Love your enemies...just in case your friends turn out to be a bunch of bastards." -- Sakura Taylor

"You can rarely look too deep, only too long." -- Submitted by Jon Doenier

"It's so easy to say hello, but very hard to say goodbye." -- Mai Lan Vo

"Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction." -- Antoine de Saint-Exupery

"A life without love, is like an hourglass without sand....empty." -- Amanda Beltran

"If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you." -- Winnie the Pooh

"If you enjoy the fragrance of a rose, you must accept the thornswhich it bears." -- Isaac Hayes

"People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle & shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within" -- Elizabeth Love




About Life

"There are two days in the week about which and upon which I never worry. Two carefree days, kept sacredly free from fear and apprehension. One of these days is Yesterday. ... And the other ... is Tomorrow." -- Robert Jones Burdette

"In aging, one becomes more foolish and more wise." -- Francois, Duc de La Rochefoucauld

"Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved." -- William Jennings Bryan

"We are always getting ready to live but never living." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way." -- Christopher Morley

"Be civil to all; sociable to many; familiar with few; friend to one; enemy to none." -- From "Poor Richard's Almanack" by Benjamin Franklin

"Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have." -- Rabbi Hyman Judah Schachtel

"About all you can do in life is be who you are. Some people will love you for you. Most will love you for what you can do for them, and some won't like you at all." -- Rita Mae Brown

"You will never "find" time for anything. If you want time you must make it." -- Charles Buxton

"Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." -- Will Rogers

"Learn by other's mistakes because you do not live long enough to make them all yourself." -- Anonymous

"Often the test of courage is not to die but to live." -- Vittorio Alfieri

"To be nobody-but-yourself--in a world which is doing its best night and day, to make you everybody else--means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting." -- E.E. Cummings

"Nothing is done. Everything in the world remains to be done or done over." -- Lincoln Steffens

"Invest in the human soul. Who knows, it might be a diamond in the rough." -- Mary McLeod Bethune

"Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted." -- Aldous Huxley

"If you want praise, die. If you want blame, marry. Beauty won't make the kettle boil. Honey is sweet, but don't lick it off a briar. Don't show your skin to a person who won't cover it." -- Irish Proverb

"For me, success is, during this early pilgrimage, to leave the woodpile a little higher than I found it." -- Paul Harvey

"Life is a foreign language: all men mispronounce it." -- C. Morley

"Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler." -- Albert Einstein

"Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't." -- Richard Bach

"Open your heart by one millimeter and your day will be brighter!" -- Unknown

"You never know how much you don't know, until you know. You know?" -- Joseph Rocheleau

"People who are always looking over their shoulder will most likely run into something." -- Charles Huffine

" You can't do anything about the length of your life; but you can do something about its' width and depth!" -- Mrs. Connie Hower

"Smile, it makes people wonder what you're up to." -- Emily Gillis

"As you grow older you will discover that you have two hands. One for helping yourself, the other for helping others." -- Audrey Hepburn

"The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved." --Victor Hugo

"Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell." --Anonymous

"Everything happens to everybody sooner or later if there is time enough." -- George Bernard Shaw

"To be on time, is to be late, to be early, is to be on time." -- Elisha-Rio Apilado

"Sometimes it takes falling flat on our backs to appreciate the beauty of the stars" -- Justin Mason

"The harder you fall the higher you bounce." -- Unknown

"To fulfill a dream, to be allowed to sweat over lonely labor, to be given a chance to create, is the meat and potatoes of life. The money is the gravy." -- Bette Davis

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle." -- Plato

"You never get ahead walking backwards." -- Joanne

"Enjoy life. There's plenty of time to be dead." -- Anonymous

"It's sad but true . . . in life you may find that the person you like the least is the person you're like the most." -- James Pauls

"It's easier to roll through life when you're not in a rut." -- Susan Duncan

"Life......you don't have to win....but you have to keep playing." -- Ima Nonimus

"A big strong oak was just one nut that stood his ground." -- Bridgette N. Borum

"No man is ever old enough to know better." -- Holbrook Jackson

"Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was." -- Richard L. Evans

"We are here to add what we can to life, not to get what we can from it." -- William Osler

"A man who won't die for something is not fit to live." -- Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Time is clay; make something." -- Barbara Sher

"Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose." -- Lyndon B. Johnson

"It is not length of life, but depth of life." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that's the stuff life is made of." -- Benjamin Franklin

"The really frightening thing about middle age is that you know you'll grow out of it!" -- Doris Day

"It is not what they take away from you that counts. It's what you do with what you have left." -- Hubert Humphrey

"Love all. Trust a few. Do wrong to none." -- William Shakespeare


"At the end of the game the king and the pawn go back in the same box." -- Italian Proverb

"There are two educations. One should teach us how to make a living and the other how to live." -- John Adams

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined." -- Henry David Thoreau

"If no one ever took risks, Michelangelo would have painted the Sistine floor." -- Neil Simon

"Don't prepare the path for the child, prepare the child for the path." -- Anonymous

"Until age 40, Your Body is a Gift; After 40, You have to Earn it." -- Dick Blanding

"It Is Better To Wear Out Than To Rust Out"

"Do not look forward with hesitation or back with regret, but look all around you and learn" -- Phyllis Engle

"Experience teaches slowly and at the cost of mistakes." -- James A. Froude

"Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually unnoticed by a Great Dane." -- Smiley Blanton

"When you live in the past, it costs you the present." -- Anonymous

"Though life has many roads and detours, it must be remembered that the end is as important as the beginning." -- Gordon Parke

"Make it a rule of life never to regret and never to look back. Regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can't build on it; it's only for wallowing in." -- Katherine Mansfield

"Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been." -- Mark Twain

"The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it." -- W. M. Lewis>br>
"Laziness may appear attractive, but work gives satisfaction." -- Anne Frank

"Life is an adventure to be lived, not a problem to be solved." --Unknown

"It's OK when you stumble; it just means you're moving forward." -- Unknown

"I'd rather regret the things I have done than the things I have not." -- Lucille Ball

"Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy." -- Guillaume Apollinaire

"Your life is your message." -- Gandhi

"We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools." -- Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Life is 10% what you make it, and 90% how you take it." -- Irving Berlin

"Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity, or registering wrongs." -- Charlotte Bronte

"There is nothing in which people more betray their character than in what they laugh at." -- Goethe

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter." -- Martin Luther King, Jr.

"The game of life is not so much in holding a good hand, as playing a poor hand well."

"The soul would have no rainbow if the eyes had no tears." -- Native American Proverb

"He who does not have the courage to speak up for his rights cannot earn the respect of others." --René G. Torres

"Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted." --Albert Einstein

"Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put an end to mankind." --John Fitzgerald Kennedy



About Success

"I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody." -- Bill Cosby

"One day we must come to see that peace is not merely a distant goal we seek, but that it is a means by which we arrive at that goal. We must pursue peaceful ends through peaceful means." -- Martin Luther King Jr.

"There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way." -- Christopher Morley

"If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something." --Steven Wright

"The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat." -- Lily Tomlin

"Wherever you see a successful business, someone once made a courageous decision. " --Peter Drucker

"Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." -- Will Rogers

"The most dangerous creation of any society is that man who has nothing to lose." -- James Baldwin

"To be nobody-but-yourself--in a world which is doing its best night and day, to make you everybody else--means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting." -- E.E. Cummings

"When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt." -- Henry J. Kaiser

"Nothing is done. Everything in the world remains to be done or done over." -- Lincoln Steffens

"To understand is hard. Once one understands, action is easy." -- Sun Yat-sen

"Invest in the human soul. Who knows, it might be a diamond in the rough." -- Mary McLeod Bethune

"Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit." -- E. E. Cummings

"For me, success is, during this early pilgrimage, to leave the woodpile a little higher than I found it." -- Paul Harvey

"Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler." -- Albert Einstein

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." -- Thomas Alva Edison

"Do or do not; there is no try." -- Yoda, Stars Wars

"The probability that we may fail in the struggle ought not to deter us from the support of a cause we believe to be just." -- Abraham Lincoln

"People can be divided into two classes: those who go ahead and do something, and those who sit still and inquire, 'Why wasn't it done the other way?'" -- Oliver Wendell Holmes

"People who are always looking over their shoulder will most likely run into something." -- Charles Huffine

"You be the change that you wish to see in the world" -- GHANDI

"What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog." --Dwight D. Eisenhower

"To be on time, is to be late, to be early, is to be on time." -- Elisha-Rio Apilado

"Look for something positive in a crisis: When written in Chinese, the word crisis is composed of two characters; one represents danger and the other one represents opportunity." -- John F Kennedy

"The harder you fall the higher you bounce." -- Unknown

"You never get ahead walking backwards." -- Joanne

"A big strong oak was just one nut that stood his ground." -- Bridgette N. Borum

"Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was." -- Richard L. Evans

"We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses." -- C. G. Jung

"Without a struggle, there can be no progress." -- Frederick Douglass

"The men who try to do something and fail are infinitely better than those who try to do nothing and succeed." -- Lloyd Jones

"It is not what they take away from you that counts. It's what you do with what you have left." -- Hubert Humphrey

"If you want to leave footprints in the sands of time wear work shoes." -- Anonymous

"I can give you a six-word formula for success: Think things through - then follow through." -- Captain Edward V. Rickenbacker

"You can tell when you are on the right road - it's all uphill."

"Where you go hereafter depends on what you do after here."

"When people start off on the right foot, there's a better chance that they'll get in step sooner."

"There are no shortcuts to any place worth going."

"Cherish your visions and your dreams as they are the children of your soul; the blue prints of your ultimate accomplishments." -- Napoleon Hill

"It's all right to be cautious - but even a turtle never gets anywhere until he sticks his head out."

"Don't be afraid to go out on a limb. That's where the fruit is."

"Cooperation is spelled with two letters: W E." -- G.M. Verity

"Coming together is a beginning; staying together is progress; working together is success."

"It is better to make a wrong decision than no decision at all." -- Karen Gothard

"If no one ever took risks, Michelangelo would have painted the Sistine floor." -- Neil Simon

"It is possible to store the mind with a million facts and still be entirely uneducated." -- Alec Bourne

"Courage is fear that has said it's prayers." -- Anonymous

"There are painters who transform the sun into a yellow spot, but there are others who, thanks to their art and intelligence, transform a yellow spot into the sun." -- Pablo Picasso

"Time does not find you, you have to find time." -- Kimberly Wilson-Johnson

"Experience teaches slowly and at the cost of mistakes." -- James A. Froude

"The people who oppose your ideas the most are those who represent the establishment that your ideas will upset." -- Anthony J. D'Angelo

"Ideals are like stars; you will not succeed in reaching them with your hands. But like the seafaring man on the desert of waters, you choose them as your guides, and following them you will reach your destiny." -- Carl Schurz

"Success is achieved by those who try and keep on trying!" -- Anonymous

"What the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve!" -- Anonymous

"The rules have changed. True power is held by the person who possesses the largest bookshelf, not gun cabinet or wallet." -- Anthony J. D'Angelo

"The success of a man is measured by the people he influences, especially young people." -- Roy Noel

"Tomorrow, our seeds will grow. All we need is dedication." -- Lauryn Hill

"A mediocre idea that generates enthusiasm will go further than a great idea that inspires no one." -- Mary Kay Ash

"A pessimist sees a calamity in every opportunity. An optimist sees an opportunity in every calamity." -- Sir Winston Churchill

"One dedicated worker is worth a thousand slaves." -- Confucius

"Just because you got it done first, doesn't mean you did it the best." -- Anonymous

"Success will not lower its standard to us. We must raise our standard to success." -- Rev. Randall R. McBride, Jr.

"The road to success is always under construction." -- Unknown

"Laziness may appear attractive, but work gives satisfaction." -- Anne Frank

"Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lessons afterwards." -- Vernon Sanders Law

"You are not searching for the door, but what is beyond it." --Unknown

"It's OK when you stumble; it just means you're moving forward." -- Unknown

"Knowing how makes doing it a lot easier." -- Unknown

"Anything worth doing at all is worth doing well." -- Teddy Roosevelt

"Well done is better than well said." -- Benjamin Franklin

"If fate closes the door, climb in through the window." -– Anonymous

"One of the nice things about problems is that a good many of them do not exist except in our imaginations." -- Steve Allen

"Those who refuse to examine their thoughts, opinions, and actions are damned to live within the prison of their own ignorance." --Rich Petteruti

"In the battle between the river and the rock, the river will always win. Not through strength but by persistence" -- Confucius

"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." -- Douglas Adams

"To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe." -- Anatole France

"Success has many parents, but failure is an orphan." -- American Proverb

"To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing." -- Elbert Hubbard

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." -- Aristotle

"To achieve the impossible, it is precisely the unthinkable that must be thought." -- Tom Robbins

"He is able who thinks he is able." --Buddha



Advice & Wisdom

"Anger makes dull men witty, but it keeps them poor." --Attributed to Queen Elizabeth I of England

"Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone." --Anonymous

"In aging, one becomes more foolish and more wise." -- Francois, Duc de La Rochefoucauld

"Once you get people laughing, they’’re listening and you can tell them almost anything." -- Herbert Gardner

"One day we must come to see that peace is not merely a distant goal we seek, but that it is a means by which we arrive at that goal. We must pursue peaceful ends through peaceful means." -- Martin Luther King Jr.

"If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something." --Steven Wright

"Be civil to all; sociable to many; familiar with few; friend to one; enemy to none." -- From "Poor Richard's Almanack" by Benjamin Franklin

"Men do not desire to be rich, but to be richer than other men." -- John Stuart Mill

"Love all. Trust a few. Do wrong to none." -- William Shakespeare

"About all you can do in life is be who you are. Some people will love you for you. Most will love you for what you can do for them, and some won't like you at all." -- Rita Mae Brown

"If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time--a tremendous whack." -- Winston Churchill

"You will never "find" time for anything. If you want time you must make it." -- Charles Buxton

"Learn by other's mistakes because you do not live long enough to make them all yourself." -- Anonymous

"When you blame others, you give up your power to change." -- Dr. Robert Anthony

"The wisest of the wise may err." -- Aeschylus

"The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost." -- G. K. Chesterton

"Laugh at yourself first, before anyone else can." -- Elsa Maxwell

"Nobody ever died of laughter." -- Max Beerbohm

"To change and to improve are two different things." -- German Proverb

"When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt." -- Henry J. Kaiser

"The worst-tempered people I've ever met were people who knew they were wrong." -- Wilson Mizner

"Nothing is done. Everything in the world remains to be done or done over." -- Lincoln Steffens

"It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument." -- William Gibbs McAdoo

"Love your enemy, it'll drive him nuts." -- Anonymous

"To understand is hard. Once one understands, action is easy." -- Sun Yat-sen

"A timid person is frightened before a danger; a coward during the time; and a courageous person afterward." -- Jean Paul Richter

"One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries." -- A. A. Milne

"Laughter can be more satisfying than honor; more precious than money; more heart-cleansing than prayer." -- Harriet Rochlin

"Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit." -- E. E. Cummings

"As I would not be a slave, so I would not be a master. This expresses my idea of democracy." -- Abraham Lincoln

"Well done is better than well said." -- Benjamin Franklin

"Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler." -- Albert Einstein

"Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't." -- Richard Bach

"Do or do not; there is no try." -- Yoda, Stars Wars

"The probability that we may fail in the struggle ought not to deter us from the support of a cause we believe to be just." -- Abraham Lincoln

"Open your heart by one millimeter and your day will be brighter!" -- Unknown

"You never know how much you don't know, until you know. You know?" -- Joseph Rocheleau

"An ugly carpet will last forever." -- Erma Bombeck

"A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for." -- William Shedd

"People who are always looking over their shoulder will most likely run into something." -- Charles Huffine

"What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say" -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Matter has little value, but values are all that matter." -- H. Craig

"You be the change that you wish to see in the world" -- GHANDI

"What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog." --Dwight D. Eisenhower

"Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten." --B. F. Skinner

"Listen or thy tongue will keep thee deaf." -- American Indian Proverb

"Creative minds have always been known to survive any kind of bad training." --Anna Freud

"To be on time, is to be late, to be early, is to be on time." -- Elisha-Rio Apilado

"Look for something positive in a crisis: When written in Chinese, the word crisis is composed of two characters; one represents danger and the other one represents opportunity." -- John F Kennedy

"Hold a true friend with both your hands." -- Nigerian Proverb

"Always avoid picking up hitch-hikers who are wearing a mask." -- Jack Adams

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle." -- Plato

"Ask not what your country can do for you, but ask what you can do for your country." -- John F. Kennedy

"You never get ahead walking backwards." -- Joanne

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them." -- Mother Theresa

"Enjoy life. There's plenty of time to be dead." -- Anonymous

"To know the road ahead, ask those coming back." -- Chinese Proverb

"It's sad but true . . . in life you may find that the person you like the least is the person you're like the most." -- James Pauls

"It's easier to roll through life when you're not in a rut." -- Susan Duncan

"Sometimes one pays most for the things one gets for nothing." -- Albert Einstein

"It is not the same to talk of bulls as to be in the Bullring." -- Spanish Proverb

"Real knowledge is to know the extent of ones ignorance." -- Confucius

"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear." -- Mark Twain

"We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses." -- C. G. Jung

"Without a struggle, there can be no progress." -- Frederick Douglass

"We are all ordinary people. And it's the extraordinary people who know it." -- G. K. Chesterton

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." -- Erica Jong

"Do not cut what can be untied." -- Unknown

"Always be a little kinder than necessary." -- James M. Barrie

"At the end of the game the king and the pawn go back in the same box." -- Italian Proverb

"It is easier to get forgiveness than to get permission." --Mag the Hag, Dilbert Comic Strip

"Rumors and Manure both get spread around but only one is beneficial" -- Anonymous

"The oldest trees often bear the sweetest fruit." -- German Proverb

"There are no shortcuts to any place worth going."

"None will improve your lot if you yourself do not." -- Bertolt Brecht

"One man with courage makes a majority." -- Andrew Jackson

"Courage is being the only one who knows you're afraid."

"Necessity makes even the timid brave."

"Remember, you are your own doctor when it comes to curing cold feet."

"Don't be afraid to go out on a limb. That's where the fruit is."

"No one can whistle a symphony. It takes an orchestra to play it."

"You can't applaud with one hand."

"If you see a turtle on a stump, you know he didn't get there by himself."

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend." -- William Blake

"Don't prepare the path for the child, prepare the child for the path." -- Anonymous

"It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help." -- Judith Martin

"It takes a thousand voices to tell a single story." -- A Native American Saying

"It's so easy to say hello, but very hard to say goodbye." -- Mai Lan Vo

"Every artist was first an amateur." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"What is food to one man is bitter poison to others." -- Lucretius

"It Is Better To Wear Out Than To Rust Out"

"Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example." -- Mark Twain

"Speak not always what you know,But always know what you speak".

"A friend is a person with a sneaky knack of saying good things about you behind your back. But a best friend makes sure she says them to your face." -- M.L. Pearce

"Listen for your tongue makes you deaf." -- A Native American Proverb

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -- Dr. Seuss

"How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg." -- Abraham Lincoln

"Never stand between a dog and the hydrant." -- John Peers

"The thing about happiness is that it doesn't help you to grow; only unhappiness does that. So I'm grateful that my bed of roses was made up equally of blossoms and thorns." -- Lana Turner

"The richest man, whatever his lot, is he who is content with what he has got." -- Dutch Proverb

"People don't get you mad, you choose to get mad." -- Sheila T.

"Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually unnoticed by a Great Dane." -- Smiley Blanton

"If your dog doesn't like someone you probably shouldn't either." -- Unknown

"If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague." -- Lara Hulon

"Growth begins when we start to accept our own weakness." -- Jean Vanier

"Work like a dog, Think like a man, and always act like a lady." -- Jennifer Martin

"It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice!" -- Tony Gallucci

"When you teach your son, you teach your son's son." -- The Talmud

"The most damaging phrase in the language is: It's always been done that way." -- Admiral Grace Hopper

"Change never hurt anyone except when it was thrown from the Empire State Building." -- Unknown

"If fate closes the door, climb in through the window." -– Anonymous

"The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated." -- Gandhi

"You can complain that roses have thorns, or you can rejoice that thorns have roses." -– Ziggy

"In the battle between the river and the rock, the river will always win. Not through strength but by persistence" -- Confucius

"There is nothing in which people more betray their character than in what they laugh at." -- Goethe

"War is only a cowardly alternative to the problems of peace." -- Thomas Mann

"Grief shared is half grief; joy shared is double joy." -- Honduran Proverb

"Reputation is what you are in the light; character is what you are in the dark." -- American Proverb

"Conscience is the voice of the soul." -- Polish Proverb

"Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street." --Elbert Hubbard

"Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted." --Albert Einstein

"Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put an end to mankind." -- John Fitzgerald Kennedy

"Where talent is a dwarf, self-esteem is a giant." -- J. Petit-Senn




Promoting Laughter

"Politics is the art of preventing people from taking part in affairs which properly concern them." -- Paul Valery

"Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone." -- Anonymous

"If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something." -- Steven Wright

"The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat." -- Lily Tomlin

"If the whole human race lay in one grave, the epitaph on its headstone might well be: `It seemed a good idea at the time.'" -- Dame Rebecca West

"When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt." -- Henry J. Kaiser

"The worst-tempered people I've ever met were people who knew they were wrong." -- Wilson Mizner

"It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument." -- William Gibbs McAdoo

"Love your enemy, it'll drive him nuts." -- Anonymous

"One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries." -- A. A. Milne

"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain." -- Lily Tomlin

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." -- Thomas Alva Edison

"Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you." -- Fox Mulder

"People can be divided into two classes: those who go ahead and do something, and those who sit still and inquire, 'Why wasn't it done the other way?'" -- Oliver Wendell Holmes

"You never know how much you don't know, until you know. You know?" -- Joseph Rocheleau

"The advertisement is the most truthful part of a newspaper." -- Thomas Jefferson

"An ugly carpet will last forever." -- Erma Bombeck

"I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out." -- Steven Wright

"Smile, it makes people wonder what you're up to." -- Emily Gillis

"I'm bright as a light bulb...I just haven't found the power switch yet." -- Parvati

"Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell." -- Anonymous

"Duct tape is like the Force; It has a light side, a dark side, and it binds the universe together." -- Anonymous

"If all babies are so cute, how the hell do we have so many ugly people in the world?" -- Charles Barkley

"Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun." -- Matt Groening

"Always avoid picking up hitch-hikers who are wearing a mask." -- Jack Adams

"Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water." -- W.C. Fields

"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants." -- A. Whitney Brown

"A big strong oak was just one nut that stood his ground." -- Bridgette N. Borum

"It's no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or another." -- George Herbert Walker Bush

"The really frightening thing about middle age is that you know you'll grow out of it!" -- Doris Day

"Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure." -- Ambrose Bierce

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside a dog...well, it's just too dark to read." -- Groucho Marx

"The grass is always greener on the other side...until you have to mow it." -- Laura Thibedeau

"That old saw about the early bird just proves that the worm should havemn stayed in bed." -- Robert Heinlein

"Love is blind - but marriage is an alarm clock." -- Dan

"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side." -- Unknown

"Love your enemies...just in case your friends turn out to be a bunch of bastards." -- Sakura Taylor

"There are three types of believers; the believers, non-believers, and make-believers." -- Billy Schneider

"To err is human: To forgive, canine." -- Anonymous

"Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example." -- Mark Twain

"When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other." -- Eric Hoffer

"What doesn't kill you only makes you -wish you were dead..." -- Unknown

"There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have." -- Don Herold

"Never stand between a dog and the hydrant." -- John Peers

"The more people I meet the more I like my dog." -- Unknown

"I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog." -- Wendy Liebman

"Television is more interesting than people. If it were not, we would have people standing in the corners of our rooms." -- Alan Corenk

"If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague." -- Lara Hulon

"Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again." -- Lazarus Long

"Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch." -- Robert Orben

"Modesty: the gentle art of enhancing your charm by pretending not to be aware of it."

"Change never hurt anyone except when it was thrown from the Empire State Building." -- Unknown

"An archeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her." -- Agatha Christie

"Tact is the ability to tell him to go to Hell, and have him be happy to be on his way." -- Unknown

"You know you are a parent when time no longer equals money, but time equals sleep." -- Theresa Saxon

"The early worm gets eaten by the bird." -- Unknown

"I think that the surest sign that there is other intelligent life in our universe is that none of it has tried to contact us." -- Billy Watterson

"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a an. That's almost $7.00 in dog money." -- Joe Weinstein

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." -- Oscar Wilde

"The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense." -- Tom Clancy

"Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart." -- Erma Bombeck

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall down an open manhole cover and die." -- Mel Brooks

"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." -- Douglas Adams

"Please provide the date of your death." -- Excerpt from an IRS letter

"I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: "no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall". " -- Eleanor Roosevelt

"Last week I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement." -- Mark Twain

"The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and have the two as close together as possible." -- George Burns

"Santa Claus has the right idea -- visit people only once a year." -- Victor Borge

"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." -- Mark Twain

"What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce." -- Mark Twain

"My wife is a sex object -- every time I ask for sex, she objects." -- Les Dawson

"By all means marry: If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher." -- Socrates

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury." -- Groucho Marx

"My wife has a slight impediment in her speech -- every now and then she stops to breathe." -- Jimmy Durante

"The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things." -- Jilly Cooper

"I never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back." -- Zsa Zsa Gabor

"Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: Alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat." -- Alex Levine

"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first." -- Mark Twain

"My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying." -- Ed Furgol

"Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery." -- Spike Milligan

"What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money." -- Henny Youngman

"I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position." -- Mark Twain

"Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was 'shut up'." -- Joe Namath

"Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life." -- Herbert Henry Asquith

"I don't feel old - I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap." -- Bob Hope

"A woman drove me to drink -- and I hadn't even the courtesy to thank her." -- W.C. Fields

"I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it." -- W.C. Fields

"It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth." -- George Burns

"We could certainly slow aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress." -- Unknown

"Don't worry about avoiding temptation...As you grow older, it will avoid you." -- Unknown

"Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty...But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out..." -- Unknown